Coffee
Can save your bacon
There was a time when I was a knucklehead; I was not direct,
I did not establish my don't ever do's. It was a time when I tried to appease. That lead
to me appearing as soft needy, and weak. That also led to me being put into
unflattering positions by people who would attempt to move me emotionally. (Details
are for my Grandsons)
Through all
of this, I finally distilled all my wandering through trial and error to adopt
this premise in seeking someone to spend one's life. BUY COFFEE. Substitute a nonalcoholic
beverage of choice. The reasons are simple A. it is cheap. B, Since it's coffee
and not an actual date, the other person will be responsible for their
transportation to and from the venue. C is a time for you to ask questions,
listen for the answers, and most importantly, assess the other individual's
response and interaction to the environment around them. Note: this is not a
date; it is an interview. This process is the first screening of an individual
for the fundamental purpose of excluding (yes excluding) them from your life. This
selection is more critical now than it ever has been. A cup of coffee has saved
my bacon on more than one occasion. It has also been responsible for the
direction of the life that I am living today.
Once there
was a 5'11' redhead during my wandering (during said knucklehead period); I met
this person asked her out for a coffee. I waved and stood up to introduce
myself and asked her to have a seat. The usual back and forth took place, and
then the point of the issue came into play. She said (and I listened) to the story
of fight after fight men stalking her, restraining orders, and baby daddy
issues. I asked a simple question. I am so sorry that those things happened to
you; I would like to know whether you attract drama, are your drama, or are you
just unlucky. Those things are dangerous to one's life and happiness. I had a
good friend that I told to call me at about 25 or 30 minutes into the coffee to
ask what was up. This tactic was to provide a means of escape if I needed one. And
I needed one badly. The call came, and I answered. Yeah, man, I'm sorry about
that. Where are you now, and do you need me. (The person on the other end said
nothing) ok ill be right there. I'm having coffee with a friend, but I will be
there in about 15 minutes. I paid the bill eight bucks and got the heck out of there.
There was a time when I made the mistake of taking a person to dinner that was an expensive lesson. This person went on a rant about issues of race and how men would not step up to the challenge of being men and date people of the same racial makeup. The term "kings" was thrown into the mix. When I asked the question directly, I stated that my first choice was for peace instead of a person's ethnicity. It went off the rails. With an expletive-ridden rant on how I was a sucker for wishing for peace instead of someone with similar physical attributes. That cost about $65 bucks for that lesson instead of the 8 dollars in the 1st example. We said our goodbyes, and that was mercifully over.
There was
an instance where the person seemed perfectly fine until we got into a
restaurant situation. The person was demanding, rude, condescending. That was
to the restaurant staff. If this was the best she would act, I was
not staying around for me to be the subject of her wrath. I excused myself to
go to the bathroom, found the waitress, got my order to go, paid the bill, and
for a generous tip, asked the waitress to tell the lady that I had left and
will not be contacting her ever again. I gave her a note and the paid bill that
said that very thing. That information was cheap at twice the price. I left
that person I met at the restaurant who passed the first interview with flying
colors.
That was my
life from 2006 until 2012 when I met someone at a weight watchers meeting (the
place where middle-aged men met middle-aged females in a safe environment). I met
the person that I would eventually marry earlier, but she never called, and
that was Kool with me because, at the point in my life in 2010-2011, I was not
looking to convince anyone,as I was only accepting volunteers. I was in a situation
that I started in a weak moment that had continued off and on for about four
years. I grew tired of what I was doing and needed to change that. So when the
phone rang in 2011, I was surprised to get a call from her.
We went to
coffee at a McDonald's. We talked about stuff for about 3 hours, refilled the
coffee as needed, and then went separate ways. We talked about everything, work,
education, politics, and what was going on in our lives. I thought that was great.
At least I had found a human being that was worth having extended conversations with.
One night I received a call from her stating that she was driving home and got
a flat tire about a block from my home. Good thing I was home doing absolutely
nothing of importance, so I went. (There was a time in 2006 when at the lowest
point in my self-inflicted ordeal, I prayed in earnest for another chance to be
a father. I pretty much jacked up the previous attempts at being a father and
husband; I had just lost a good friend that died peacefully in her sleep just
before I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend. We had been friends for over a
year, were both living alone, and I was her "significant brother,"
having the platonic relationship taking a turn for the serious just a week
earlier.
After her passing, I went into a deep depression. In the
first example, she was the friend on the other end of the call. She was my best
friend, and I was about to end the negative situation I was in just before she passed and ask her for a more serious relationship .)
driving to the location, I approached the car's rear quarter. I saw the flat. It
was one of four bald tires that were threadbare. This one was just the first
one to give up the ghost. Then I saw something that would change my life a car
seat. Looking inside, I saw a young man that looked up at me in a weird way,
and I thought, who is this? I got angry
at this point, turned, and asked, you have your grandson riding in a car running
on 4 Maypops (tires that may pop at any time)? She was taken aback by my
statement and said I know I need to get tires, but I'm trying to save the
money. I then asked whether you had enough money for two tires. Because I can
get the other two, you can pay me back later, which she did (stop being nasty. I
know who you are.) That kid in the back
seat was the person that became my grandson (currently sleeping across the
hall) and was joined by two others in the years that followed. Those other
stories are for another time. The point
is that the stakes in 2022 are too high to get locked in with a person that does
not value you as a person or sees you as a free meal or worse. Those individuals
must be found and excluded from your life asap so you can find that person worth
spending the rest of your life. Don't tell me that isn't possible because I saw
it firsthand with my niece, who found a great guy and now is a happy family with
two twin boys. This family took me in at that lowest time in my life and cared
for me for about 30-60 days until I found an apartment where the rest of this
story started. They are my sister from another mister and my brother from another
mother. It can be harder to find that
person instead of finding a person to associate oneself with.
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