The Sermon that made me think

                                                             The Sermon That Made Me Think

Matthew 18 21-29

      I had an awakening, and it hit like a Semi. I listened to this message then contemplated it for a couple of days. It's really familiar, however; the whole meaning of what it means was internalized. Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" 22 Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but seventy times seven. That's 490 times.

            Then the story parable began with the kingdom of God is like. When you see this in combination with the part of the Lord's prayer that says Thy kingdom come thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. It means something that is important and should be adhered to. There was a King that wanted to settle accounts with his servants. Then the King came to this certain servant that owed him ten thousand talents. 62,017.18 is today's gold price per kilo. A talent is 35 kilograms. That would be in today's money in gold 2,170,601.3 that's two million one hundred seventy thousand six hundred one dollars and thirty cents. That's a whole lot of ca$h. His master ordered the servant and his family to be taken and sold to pay the debt. The servant fell down before him to ask for forgiveness. The master was moved and forgave him all $2,170,601.30. Having been forgiven the 2 million and change, this servant then goes to another servant that owed him money in the amount of 100 denarii (205.64) in today's money. Not only did he ask for his money, he grabbed him by the throat (in verse 28), demanding that he pay what he owed. This servant that owed the 100 denarii also asked for forgiveness and more time to earn what he owed the forgiven servant. The forgiving servant then threw the servant that owed 200 bucks and placed him into jail until he could pay.

            You don't believe that this would go without being noticed by the fellow servants that reported this action to the King, that summoned the servant that owed the 2mil and said, 'You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you? 'And his master was angry and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. Jesus then said, "So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses."

            At that particular moment, I realized I had not forgiven many people in my life. I've asked forgiveness for things that I thought I was done with; however, I neglected the part where I was to forgive those that offended, mistreated, or hurt me. That list was long. I forgot them, but I know I did not forgive them because the mere mention of their name brought up anger and the desire for revenge. I had forgotten; however, I had not forgiven. I remembered each offense and how I felt when it happened. I have moved away from some, broken off contact with others, and with a few, I still held a grudge and was looking for an opportunity to get them back with interest. I am talking about bosses, coworkers, exes, family members, salespeople, and people just being mean.   There were more than a few misty moments when I realized my level of unforgiveness. The statement "show me your friends, and I will show you your future" has come to life in me as my local friends I have the privilege to share a pew with every week. I haven't made many friends outside of my church environment as I'm pretty busy being grandad and taking care of my espoused. It would have been unfortunate if I went through all of this to find that I would have things on the back end of this journey just because I could not let go of my need for revenge. The much that is given is my forgiveness; the much that is required is my forgiveness to others. 

A wide-ranging conversation

                                     A wide-ranging conversation

Conversation with a grandson

        "Son, I'm heading to the supermarket. Do you want to come". This is how the shopping trip started. I looked for an opportunity to have my first (of many) conversations with my grandson as he is just becoming a teenager. The thought that we could have that conversation began when I realized my eldest grandson reacted while observing me giving instructions to the youngest. I saw the look that said, "Papi, I know you are full of it, but I understand why it was told.

            "Who would you answer to if you have no debt and made six figures as a 21-year-old?" "Who outside of your job could tell you what to do outside of your family?" He replied to the government and no one else." Do you know why? It is because the borrower is a slave to the lender. And I mean enslaved in the literal sense." Being in debt to that extent that you do something that you hate is why people do crazy things." Do you know the most significant financial mistake I have made financially over the last seven or so years? It was buying that 2013 Camaro fresh off the lot. I know that was an emotional decision from where I sit now, having come into a large windfall after a chapter of my former life ended. And I spent that extra windfall on a car instead of saving it. I purchased that car for 33K fresh off the lot; it was worth 28k the next day. Son, you do the math. I could have bought a Camaro one year earlier for 27k, but I bought that car for the privilege of having my hind-parts being the first in the car. Was the new car smell worth FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS! No, it wasn't. I have another question, what would 529 dollars do for one's life over five years if it was saved/invested?   Have you heard of the "rule of 72"? What time would your money take to double at a particular interest rate? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53LBNbmXlGg

            Do you want to have children eventually? Yea Papi. Then one would require a female for that, and that process can be complicated. Think long and hard about that. There is a line from the movie "Heat" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMXEOtxXRiM I am not telling you not to get into a relationship; I'm telling you to do so with your eyes wide open. Because until you commit to one person, You MUST have one hand on the ejection lever. Now, son, this is my first piece of advice. In the realm of picking out a mate, Buy coffee. Anyone you would be interested in must know that they are suitable for an extended relationship and possibly have children. This meeting is not a date; this is an interview, as you are planning for the future of your legacy, your bloodline. The future of everyone that will carry your name over the centuries to come. There is a reason that women should and are picky on this issue. They cannot afford to make a mistake; because that mistake will follow them forever. Just because something is fun does not mean that it is something to do just for fun. There is a purpose for everything, and you have to walk in that purpose. And having coffee is how I discovered that Nana was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

Let me come back to something. Several things had to fall in line to have this happen; most of them happened before I met Nana. I joined the U.S Military and did my twenty years of service; I was accepted into college, got a technical degree, and became a computer guy; I did 19 years in civil service and retired from that. Those things, combined with how I became ill on active duty and hit the magical age of 66, are why I can stay home to take care of Nana and all of you. It is why I retired to take care of her, but I was only able to do that because I lucked up.

            Oh, yea, coffee. Eight to twelve dollars are a reasonable expense just to find out if the person on the other side of the table is interesting, worth continuing to get to know, or is someone to run from. This is precisely like the trashcan fire instead of the house burning down. With a trash can fire, you are throwing the can outside; a housefire means you can potentially lose everything having it burned to the ground when you smell smoke you ACT. I was saved during coffee in my previous life (Pre nana) because this beautiful woman repeatedly involved herself in situations that required the police to be called. I had a friend that called me about 20 minutes into my coffee, providing me a way to gracefully exit, which I did.

There is an ancient adage; when you have boys, you only worry about one *ick in town, but when you have girls, you worry about every *ick in the town. You really do not have to be as selective because you at any time can walk away (now it could be expensive), but you can walk away, but she cannot. She has to get this one thing right hopefully the first time, as the consequences are long-lasting.  Son you do understand I am speaking of having children in this example. I'm not saying this process is easy I'm absolutely not saying that. what I am saying is that I am an eye witness to that very thing happening to a niece of mine and her husband, they have twin boys; the family legacy remains intact. 

            Let's talk about money again. Do you like our home? This example will make you think;  when I bought the house last year, I paid the house price PLUS 2.65% for the purchase divided over 30 years. The house's final price is the difference, which will almost double over 30 years. If I bought that house today, that rate would be closer to 4% for the same dirt. Did you know that the home we live in now is $600 cheaper a month than the house we rented when we got here? Our cost is fixed and will remain unchanged for the next 30 years. Do you think the rent will be the same for 30 years? That is how the rich get richer, and the poor get poorer. With fewer advantages and possibly lousy decision-making, the poor pay more for everything. There are several factors, but understand that is true,

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Son, have you seen the picture of the Bugatti parked next to a trailer? That is a one-million-dollar automobile. Let me propose an alternative let us buy a home; in this area where we live, we can get a lovely house for $360,000 that leaves $640,000 leftover, and let's say you splurge and get a 2022 ford F150 for $46,000 that would leave you $594000 left to do and if you gave yourself 50,000 a year you could live 11/12 years without doing anything. You would have a paid-off car and house; Instead of a vehicle that gets you from point a to point b, you have something that gets less valuable every day.

https://preview.redd.it/b3mq5rj09fa51.jpg?auto=webp&s=5df35cc3feede94e049a40cd30de118d18b9b3ff

Going to the market, we first stopped at the meat section, and I said the most inefficient use of a steak is to buy one, cook it and eat it. I know how to feed all seven of us with a 2lb steak. The expense breaks down, with beef the most expensive, followed by pork, then chicken; remember that chicken pasta dish we had the other day https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NcaVVo6Eho

 That was one colossal chicken breast seasoned and cut up that fed all of us. I have to plan ahead with you boys to ensure that everyone gets fed. Your mom and dad throw some funds my way to assist in keeping us fed, as I do a significant share of the cooking. We then went to the cereal aisle. I pointed out the instant oatmeal (that the youngest likes) the generic (store brand) was about 2 dollars for a box of packets, the dude in the three-cornered hat brand costs about 2.50, there is a good chance that these both came from the same factory.

            With the groceries loaded in the car, I asked whether you know how to get better than you are now. That would be by associating yourself with naturally better or more advanced people than you. I bowled like 3 or 4 nights a week when I was younger. My starting average was 125; 3 years later, my average was 220. All of the friends I associated with were bowlers of 225 or better, and three of them rolled a 300 game, and I saw it happen. My best game was 278 in a tournament. I got close to 300 but no cigar. You need people to push you to be better than you are, and you won't get better hanging out with people that do not force you to be your best. Do not coast push. I do not have any associations that are not productive everyone who is an association of mine is a benefit to my improvement.  There is no dead weight in my personal relationships. There is an old saying; Show me your friends and I will show you your future   

            I like to write; I will write about this conversation; however, I will not mention you by name. But I will write to help someone who may read this in the future. He asked what I am writing about now (thanks for asking, son). I am working on an idea. I heard in a sermon long ago. The sermon was about Everything in the Bible being truly stated; however, everything in the bible is not a statement of truth. I took the opportunity to talk about the prophet Elijah. How he could call fire from heaven in one moment then hide in a cave in the next, telling God that he was the only one to serve him faithfully. God sent an angel to the prophet, telling him, "that was not accurate as there were 7000 prophets that did not bow to Baal. That is an example of an accurate depiction of an untrue statement.

            Heading home, we talked about being led by one's emotions. There is an industry that makes merchandise of one's emotions. That is the media. Let's look at a statistic of how many police killed unarmed black people in 2019. He said 1000, no son, that number is 9. One is more likely to get killed in certain areas way more than that by something other than police. This is to get your emotions involved to make you think in a certain way to act in a way that can be predicted if the argument is only emotional if the person resorts to calling you something like picking your phobia. If it's "you are just one of those," Fill in the blank" people." You need to extricate yourself from that person or idea. Walk away, for it is better to live your life successfully without that emotional damage.

    I told him that this is the end result of the lessons of my mistakes so you don't have to make the same ones that I made. this is in essence what I would say to my 13 year old self if I was given the chance  That was the 1^st of the mentorship sessions since the young man had just become a teenager; I got two more young men to get out on their own until my mission will be considered complete.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                          

Why Your Why is crucial.

                                                  Why Your Why is crucial.

              A person's why is paramount. It must be absolutely real to each individual.

Every person has difficulty seeing things in the long term. If it is not immediate, it is dismissed. The why is a good indicator of a person's resistance to pain, suffering, or hardship. For that reason, "the WHY" has to be deeply ingrained that it becomes the reason for a person's existence. Becoming a grandfather was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. It caused me to reassess everything. (More on that later).

            A sociological tenant states that the more difficult it is to become a group member, the stronger the attachment to that group. That is true, especially in the Military. There is a reason for this intensity. The elite Navy Seals are pushed to the limit and beyond through physical suffering. This suffering is not for any other purpose except to weed out the people without the required mental toughness. The harsh effects of Coldwater, burning lungs and muscles are used to make a recruit "ring the bell just for it all to be over. If a person gives up, hot coffee and blankets are offered to the recruit as they are removed from the program. These units often travel in groups of less than sixteen people (a Platoon) behind the lines in countries where there is no help readily available. It is there, but the mission has failed dramatically if the panic button is pushed.        

          Being a Christian in the first century was a dangerous position to find oneself. Hot oil, being crucified, beaten, fed to animals, or worse was commonplace. https://pentecostalpublishing.com/products/ancient-champions-of-oneness)  This book highlights the early church's perils to clarify what I am speaking of concerning the early church. That early church had a significant why, so the how was unimportant. There are places on the planet that still have that level of commitment; however, it is more difficult to achieve in our western cultures. How did the early church spread? The way that it could it was the persecution that spread it across the known world. The worse it got, the better it was for the spread of the early church.

            What then of us here in more comfortable circumstances with our more comfortable lives? That stress of persecution must be artificially induced or, more succinctly, internally motivated. It is more difficult for a person living in the United States of America to knuckle down and get the job done in moving their lives toward a significant goal or any goal at all. Discomfort has to be manufactured. In a world that gives a person everything at their fingertips, the ability to "put it off until tomorrow" makes it challenging to reach lofty goals. Put that self-inflicted pressure is necessary for any significant purpose.

Material things do not move me to the point where I can accomplish the more difficult life goals. However, eating and living indoors did motivate me to study and change careers when I retired from the Military. I was a generator technician for twenty years. I have friends who are still working in the field; the notable thing about the ones still doing the job working for companies whose projects are outside the United States. When I retired, I was offered the opportunity to apply for a position in the middle east as a generator maintenance tech. That place was the country of Oman for six figures (tax-free) with room board and transportation there and back home paid by the company. I did not take that opportunity, as I chose to finish college to become a computer administrator for another 19 years. Within the last year, I received a phone call from a couple of friends from Shemya, Alaska; they wanted to know what I was doing and catch up on things since I left. I had lunch with a very old friend about a month before I retired; he was home after finishing a contract installing a powerplant somewhere in Asia.

Money does not motivate me; however, what motivates me is to leave something behind that will last. That is to leave something behind that can be looked at as a direction finder for the trajectory of a life. That direction finder is for my grandchildren. Getting older has done things that I thought were impossible for me, but being an example to my grandchildren has made the difficult choices much more attainable. I hear a clock ticking in my head. It is ticking down to the point where time for me will end in this existence. I know it will be over soon enough, and I want to leave something behind that will last. Some parts are under my control, and factors that are not in my power tend to dismiss those things that I do not have control over as they are not crucial to me. All other tasks are subservient to that first goal. I recently hit the gym to get myself in better shape because I have to try my best to extend this fragile existence for as long as possible in as close to good condition. I need to see my youngest grandson out and on his own.

For a goal to be significant, it has to be measurable, attainable, and essential. A person has to see their importance before any progress toward that goal. Something unseen or nebulous does not reach the tipping point for human behavioral change. The unseen has to be made visible in the mind's eye. The concept of heaven or hell has to be made tangible if they are to have life-changing effects. If something does not set a person on fire, it is insufficient to complete a goal; I remember this lesson in my Social science class from college; "a personality change cannot be made without a significant emotional event. It can be a religious awakening; it could be coming of age and being out on one's own for the first time, not knowing what to do, it can be the birth of a child, or escaping imminent death in an accident or combat. It must be significant. Merely telling a person something they will need later won't cut it. I remember this statement from my school days. "I won't be needing algebra after high school, so I won't do anything over what I need to accomplish to finish. I have a story on that one. During my second duty station, my boss asked me to tell him how much fuel a particular fuel tank contained asked. I said, "I do not know, sir," good he replied, then walked back into the office. He came back with a book that contained the tank's dimensions and gave me a limited time (about a week) to get the information to him. This information was accompanied by the order to find it out for myself and not ask anyone for the info. No one in the shop was allowed to help me.

I remembered that that was a trigonometry problem. I was off to the library to find the answer. I got a book on the formula for determining the volume of cylindrical objects, and the next day I wrote down the number and presented it to my boss. He smiled and thanked me, and left. I later found out he wanted to know what kind of airman I would become. I guess I answered his question. I got promoted quickly after that when I found out there was a promotion test, but my evaluations by my superiors weighed heavily in the promotion criteria.

Why is the most crucial question in our lives? It gives us the reason for our actions. Fear belonging to a group, missing out on something important, or accomplishing a specific task before the time runs out. Friedrich Nietzsche states, "He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how." Then why is the key to unlocking the How?

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Anger

                                                                A Look at Anger

                                                  Not an exhaustive but a quick study

 

I saw a couple of ideas popped into my head (like they always do), and it was a podcast on how Jesus taught about anger. This reference is from the Sermon on the mount. Matthew 5;22 “But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hellfire. But that crashed into another scripture, Ephesians 4:26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath. There is a lot to unpack there. I will unpack this first before I move forward from here.

            In Matthew, Jesus taught that being angry with one’s brother offers the danger of hellfire it goes on further to state to leave your gift at the altar, reconcile with your brother and then present the gift. There is much more there to study. The question of who is our brother comes to mind. I purposely skipped over a portion of the scripture. Starting at verse 22, “But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother (without a cause)shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in risk of hellfire. So, by the above statement, is there a cause for which anger is appropriate? The statement whosoever shall say to his brother Raca is defined as calling someone empty-headed, stupid, or an idiot. The same anger that will cause one to call someone a name is the same anger called upon to commit murder. We have numerous examples of name-calling that turn into murder. I have stated that human beings do not kill other human beings. People kill unflattering names that people are called, not a person. Because to invoke that level of hatred, the person in question is required to be dehumanized before killing them. Never in the history of ever has it been reported that the father of four was killed in a shootout with police. It is far likelier that the perpetrator, shooter, or escapee was killed. A person that throws around epithets like free candy is in grave danger.

            What then of the scripture that says to be angry and sin not. This indicates that anger is not the complete issue. If we are told not to sin while angry, it logically follows that there is a cause where anger is appropriate. I hate to admit this, but I used to have a terrible temper. During my service time, I received a stern reprimand about the issue more than once. I even went to anger counseling a couple of times. I now have an anger that is much slower to develop. Proverbs 15;1 states a soft answer turns away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. That still does not answer the question. How one can be angry and sin not. I believe anger and wrath are two different things (don’t quote me). Anger is the emotion, and wrath is the action. Actions are under our control. I could only use a few scripture references from the references that I read before starting this essay because that subject is well covered in the bible. Here are a few. Proverbs 14:29 “Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.”

     I have a story on this scripture that happened today. My middle grandson did not complete his tasks as assigned yesterday evening (I cook, they clean the kitchen); well, it wasn’t done. This young man has the tendency to complete a task poorly in the hope that someone will do it for him. My Chili was hot, but he had already caught the bus for school. I was ready to throw the book at him. I went to a doctor’s appointment and took the time to think about what I would say. I let him know that he will complete the task assigned daily, and I will inspect his work in the evening and let him know if he finished it successfully if (at a time of my choosing) I am satisfied, then the rotation of chores will resume. However, if he is less than successful, consequences will escalate until compliance is reached. That was the benefit of 3 hours going to and from the VA clinic in Columbus. My anger had faded. The key was time. That leads to the following scripture reference. Proverbs 16:32 “Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” Proverbs 14;17 A man of quick temper acts foolishly, and a man of evil devices is hated.

            So, it is possible to be angry and sin not (because it says so), then I further take it to mean that time is the ice that cools the heat of anger. Don’t be quick to respond to an insult. That is more problematic in this age when the currency of likes. Clicks and views are so pervasive. We are being used daily by those in power, those that seek power, and the minions in between. I have an example during the last two summers (unpleasantness), 34+ people had met their demise at the hands of peaceful protestors. Over the previous 18 months or so, 9 people have met their end at the hands of law enforcement. But looking at the coverage, one would not believe it so. Someone somewhere is playing manipulative games with the emotions of 300 million-plus people for fun and profit. Romans 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. The mind is the battlefield. It is where the fight is either won or lost.

 

 

 

                         The mind is the darkroom where negatives are developed.

 

            

Coffee Can save your bacon

                                                                               Coffee

Can save your bacon

There was a time when I was a knucklehead; I was not direct, I did not establish my don't ever do's. It was a time when I tried to appease. That lead to me appearing as soft needy, and weak. That also led to me being put into unflattering positions by people who would attempt to move me emotionally. (Details are for my Grandsons)

            Through all of this, I finally distilled all my wandering through trial and error to adopt this premise in seeking someone to spend one's life. BUY COFFEE. Substitute a nonalcoholic beverage of choice. The reasons are simple A. it is cheap. B, Since it's coffee and not an actual date, the other person will be responsible for their transportation to and from the venue. C is a time for you to ask questions, listen for the answers, and most importantly, assess the other individual's response and interaction to the environment around them. Note: this is not a date; it is an interview. This process is the first screening of an individual for the fundamental purpose of excluding (yes excluding) them from your life. This selection is more critical now than it ever has been. A cup of coffee has saved my bacon on more than one occasion. It has also been responsible for the direction of the life that I am living today.

            Once there was a 5'11' redhead during my wandering (during said knucklehead period); I met this person asked her out for a coffee. I waved and stood up to introduce myself and asked her to have a seat. The usual back and forth took place, and then the point of the issue came into play. She said (and I listened) to the story of fight after fight men stalking her, restraining orders, and baby daddy issues. I asked a simple question. I am so sorry that those things happened to you; I would like to know whether you attract drama, are your drama, or are you just unlucky. Those things are dangerous to one's life and happiness. I had a good friend that I told to call me at about 25 or 30 minutes into the coffee to ask what was up. This tactic was to provide a means of escape if I needed one. And I needed one badly. The call came, and I answered. Yeah, man, I'm sorry about that. Where are you now, and do you need me. (The person on the other end said nothing) ok ill be right there. I'm having coffee with a friend, but I will be there in about 15 minutes. I paid the bill eight bucks and got the heck out of there.

            There was a time when I made the mistake of taking a person to dinner that was an expensive lesson. This person went on a rant about issues of race and how men would not step up to the challenge of being men and date people of the same racial makeup. The term "kings" was thrown into the mix. When I asked the question directly, I stated that my first choice was for peace instead of a person's ethnicity. It went off the rails. With an expletive-ridden rant on how I was a sucker for wishing for peace instead of someone with similar physical attributes. That cost about $65 bucks for that lesson instead of the 8 dollars in the 1^st example. We said our goodbyes, and that was mercifully over.  

            There was an instance where the person seemed perfectly fine until we got into a restaurant situation. The person was demanding, rude, condescending. That was to the restaurant staff. If this was the best she would act, I was not staying around for me to be the subject of her wrath. I excused myself to go to the bathroom, found the waitress, got my order to go, paid the bill, and for a generous tip, asked the waitress to tell the lady that I had left and will not be contacting her ever again. I gave her a note and the paid bill that said that very thing. That information was cheap at twice the price. I left that person I met at the restaurant who passed the first interview with flying colors.

            That was my life from 2006 until 2012 when I met someone at a weight watchers meeting (the place where middle-aged men met middle-aged females in a safe environment). I met the person that I would eventually marry earlier, but she never called, and that was Kool with me because, at the point in my life in 2010-2011, I was not looking to convince anyone,as I was only accepting volunteers. I was in a situation that I started in a weak moment that had continued off and on for about four years. I grew tired of what I was doing and needed to change that. So when the phone rang in 2011, I was surprised to get a call from her.  

            We went to coffee at a McDonald's. We talked about stuff for about 3 hours, refilled the coffee as needed, and then went separate ways. We talked about everything, work, education, politics, and what was going on in our lives. I thought that was great. At least I had found a human being that was worth having extended conversations with. One night I received a call from her stating that she was driving home and got a flat tire about a block from my home. Good thing I was home doing absolutely nothing of importance, so I went. (There was a time in 2006 when at the lowest point in my self-inflicted ordeal, I prayed in earnest for another chance to be a father. I pretty much jacked up the previous attempts at being a father and husband; I had just lost a good friend that died peacefully in her sleep just before I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend. We had been friends for over a year, were both living alone, and I was her "significant brother," having the platonic relationship taking a turn for the serious just a week earlier.

After her passing, I went into a deep depression. In the first example, she was the friend on the other end of the call. She was my best friend, and I was about to end the negative situation I was in just before she passed and ask her for a more serious relationship .) driving to the location, I approached the car's rear quarter. I saw the flat. It was one of four bald tires that were threadbare. This one was just the first one to give up the ghost. Then I saw something that would change my life a car seat. Looking inside, I saw a young man that looked up at me in a weird way, and I thought, who is this?   I got angry at this point, turned, and asked, you have your grandson riding in a car running on 4 Maypops (tires that may pop at any time)? She was taken aback by my statement and said I know I need to get tires, but I'm trying to save the money. I then asked whether you had enough money for two tires. Because I can get the other two, you can pay me back later, which she did (stop being nasty. I know who you are.)  That kid in the back seat was the person that became my grandson (currently sleeping across the hall) and was joined by two others in the years that followed. Those other stories are for another time.   The point is that the stakes in 2022 are too high to get locked in with a person that does not value you as a person or sees you as a free meal or worse. Those individuals must be found and excluded from your life asap so you can find that person worth spending the rest of your life. Don't tell me that isn't possible because I saw it firsthand with my niece, who found a great guy and now is a happy family with two twin boys. This family took me in at that lowest time in my life and cared for me for about 30-60 days until I found an apartment where the rest of this story started. They are my sister from another mister and my brother from another mother.   It can be harder to find that person instead of finding a person to associate oneself with.

 

I was a Smoker (for one day in 1972)

      I WAS A SMOKER

       For one day in 1972

       Eugene Oliver Crawford died in 1976. He was 67 years old; as of the writing of this essay, I am 67 years old. My father suffered at least three heart attacks finally succumbed to a simultaneous heart attack and stroke. The interesting I absolutely knew the instant that dad left this life. I awoke from a sound sleep with the thought Dad had just died. The day I found the time of death to be the exact time I awakened.

        In 1972 I was sitting at 1366 East 59^th street Los Angeles California smoking a Newport. I was 17, my dad walked out on the porch and saw me smoking and asked, "What you doin BOY!" It was too late to attempt to hide the smoke from my dad. So, he continued. "Smoking ok smoking what son and asked for the smoke. At that point, he had stopped smoking for a couple of years. Looking down at the smoke, he laughed and said," Newport's, that kind of junk is that, if you are going to sit on the porch like a man, then you need to smoke a man's cigarette." Newport's? he said in disgust, shaking his head. 

            Well, son, let's take a walk to the corner to get a man's cigarette. No son, we are here to introduce you to a cigarette for men, and he grabbed a carton of Lucky Strikes. I was kind of excited because I would have my first official man's cigarette. We walked and talked to the liquor store on the corner where he stopped me from buying a carton (yes, a carton) of Newport's. Walking home, he still made me proud of becoming a man; what we would do together as men were beaming inside as my father was the most important person in my life. Before that, he bought me my first trombone, encouraged me to pursue music, and joined the LAPD Jr Band, then the Velvet Knights Drum and Bugle corps. When accepted to Cal State University Fullerton, Dad took a second job to pay for my room and board. (More on that later.)

            Lighting up, I did not know what was coming next, but I was about to find out. After inhaling the first drag, I knew something was wrong. I started coughing and felt suddenly ill trying to put the cigarette down. My dad said, "Not so fast, young man.. You wanted to be a man, so here you go" having the first cigarette behind me, he lit the second and handed it to me. SMOKE! Young man. So, I smoked the second cigarette. By the time I had finished the third cigarette, I was visibly ill. I was sick; if I could see myself, I would have had a greenish hue. I left to hurl in the flower bed at the front of the house. I walked back not to a man excited to have his first cigarette with his eldest son; I saw the stern taskmaster; he was not happy. He laid into me about his heart attacks and that I was going down a path that would not be good for me and never to pick up a cigarette again. He came down hard on me. he asked, who told you this was ok, who told you this was a good thing, is this what you are spending your money from part-time jobs? (I was at that time a Dishwasher at LAX working for HOST international at one of the many airport restaurants)

            Dad laid it on me heavily and told me to go back to my room. He had the phrase he said when I messed up badly and paid a physical price for my foolishness. "I would whip your ass until I gave out in mine, but you are suffering much better than you would if I beat your azz" He then turned on a dime and held me and said Well, son, we know better now, don't we. Taking the Lucky strikes next door and gives them to his father-in-law Bill. What's this? My grandfather asked, and dad said Oh, Manny bought them for you; he saw the partially opened pack, and I saw dad and my grandfather have a moment. Grandfather smiled at my dad and then me and said, "That's real thoughtful of you, boy" Shook Dad's hand smiled, took the carton, and went back into the house that was next door. Lesson learned. It should be noted that every time I receive a physical examination, I vividly remember this day and answer yes, but it was for one day in the summer of 1972.

            Four moments are indelible memories of my dad. The first was him giving me a popsicle that I dropped into the sand and encouraging me to wash under the faucet. It was a banana popsicle twin pop. I was about 3 or 4 after he saw me crying; he pulled the other half of the popsicle and told me to be careful this time. The second was him on the porch seeing me chased by three boys and running to the house. I was about nine years old. He stood by the door, not letting me in "what is this?" these boys want to fight, and mom told me under no circumstances should I get into fights, so I ran. Unmoving sad said, "if you run now, you will run for the rest of your life, and I don't appreciate that, so go out there and handle your problem. I said, dad Ill get in trouble!!! Then he gave me another one of his sayings, "Son, if you ain't in trouble with me, you ain't in trouble.

I walked outside the gate, looking to hurt someone. I felt like someone had turned loose. I beat all three boys, and I did not know my dad was standing near me as I felled the last person I was about to deliver the final blow, but my arm hung suspended in mid-air may dad had me by the wrist and said, "that's enough Boy" The third was when I moved into the dorms at CSUF, my dad was beaming. This was the same man that dropped out in the 8^th grade to work on his dad's farm. The man that taught himself to be a welder served in the 92nd division with the 3^rd Army in WWII, whose son was going to California State University Fullerton. The moment was almost missed when I saw him walking back to the car when the man I never saw openly wept seeing his son going to college. And the last memory was my dad in his Deacon blue suit looking at me getting married just a few months before he died.  

            It is a significant reason I am where I am today (literally) in Plain City, Ohio, being Papi for three boys requiring adult supervision. The eldest and I are communicating at a non-verbal level, approaching telepathic thought, and the others are getting there.   Most men I see in sports say hi, mom. Not me, it will always be Hi DAD. I will remember you always. When he became old, this child did not depart from your teaching; it just took a long detour to get here.

 

 

           

             

 

            

Husbands love your wives

 

This scripture is a commandment given to men in Ephesians 5:25. Which reads: Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself up for it. Some versions state" and gave his life for it." I have looked for a commandment for wives to love their husbands, but I have not found that reference yet. It does state that wives should be subject to their husbands, but there is a clue that I have found in verse 33. "Nevertheless, do ye also severally love each one his wife even as himself, and let the wife see that she fears her husband." The keyword in this passage is "see." In the Mariam Webster dictionary, one of the definitions of see is to perceive or become aware of, recognize or examine. I take this to be undeniably evident to the wife so that she can feel it is proper to fear, not meaning dread, fright, horror, or terror, but to revere one's husband. We men act more on logic and reason as opposed to feelings. (or should) feelings are not the area in which we are at our best. The scope of feelings is the realm where the female of the human species is more adept in operating. I know on several occasions that my espoused had pointed out something she noticed in the realm of feelings that have turned out to be accurate. Watching her do homework with the 7-year-old daily is a task that I am ill-suited to perform; however, it is right in the middle of her skillset.

 I retired to take care of her as she sometimes requires assistance with an ongoing chronic condition. I am becoming intimately aware of Ephesians 5:25, what did I give up? I was an IT guy for 19 years and could have continued in that career for a few more years, but I consider what I am doing now to be a calling, a duty to my family. Recently, I have prepared meals and been a mentor to the young men who have shown me gratitude for what I do daily. It is something that I have taken great pride in doing well. I do whatever is necessary.

A verse earlier tells wives to be subject to their husbands, as we are subject to Christ. That seems to be the opposite of the message of 21-century life. There is a secret in that passage, the thought that a husband and wife are a 100% functional unit. Nevertheless, to love each one his wife even as himself; let the wife see that she fears (respect, revers) her husband to take care of her and the family, which sometimes gets challenging. Having spent 39 years in the service of the United States, I have seen outstanding leaders, and I have seen leaders that were not worth the title. However, the ones that I remember and are inspired are the ones that I would follow no matter what.

            It is incumbent on us to be that leader that a person would willingly follow: this is a challenging situation as the dynamic is the same. Being a successful leader is a heavy responsibility and should not be taken lightly. We are all human, and we all have faults. The only perfect person was taken on trumped-up charges and crucified. There is a reason that the commandment is placed upon men and not women. Because being a loving leader is not in our nature. We want to be the dominant one in charge and let the chips fall where they may. Men are the ones that are given the duty to provide and protect, however being entities of free will, it does not turn out as intended. However, it does not negate the principle   It the nature of women to love and nurture. Telling a woman to love is somewhat redundant, as it is in the DNA of females to nurture and protect. One looks at nature to know that it is true. All manner of dangerous beasts is loving and kind to their own. All others need to keep their distance. By being that cohesive unit accountable to each other, we have the best vehicle for raising well-adjusted children. It has and does work with a less than optimal home situation. I'm not saying that is not the case. I am confident that the data backs up my contention that an intact nuclear family works better than the cases where an intact nuclear family is not present. I asked earlier, what did I give up? Proverbs 18:16 says, "A man's gift maketh room for him, and bringeth him before great men." I have talents (gifts) that my experience has granted me. I can develop those talents and skills for the benefit of my family, giving me greater satisfaction than the career that I "gave up." I am working on one of those gifts at this very moment. Ok, I hope this was a good representation of the 04:30 wake-up call to inspire me.