Purpose

 Purpose

If you can find a why you can endure anyhow

I have things that I believe and a few things I know I believe I am responsible for my actions. And I know I bear the burdens of the decisions that I have made to date and the decisions that I continue to make.

            A couple of years back, I was hospitalized as I was diagnosed with COPD, Diabetes HBP, and an irregular heartbeat. I went to the VA clinic for an appointment and got sent to the ER. My lungs were full of fluid, and it was laborious to take a breath. Additionally, I weighed 375-380 Lbs. Honestly, I did not care if I lived or died. I was miserable at work and did not think I would make it to retirement, so I had, in essence, given up.  This event took place was over the week of Christmas. I was alone and had the unique blessing of clearing my mental plate to have a heart-to-heart with the almighty. After this time, I got my finances in order and lost about 50 lbs. I got approval for a gastric bypass which I  accomplished in 2018. I now weigh 220 Lbs, and I feel better than I have ever felt. I am longer a Diabetic, nor do I have COPD. The heart rate issue and the BP remains an issue, albeit a minor one.

            This hospital stay reminded me of the prayer that I made in 2005 while I was in the middle of solving a temporary problem with a more permanent solution, as it was one of the lowest times in my life.  In that prayer, I acknowledged my errors asked for forgiveness and made a request that I remembered during that hospital stay.  That request was, "Lord, if you see me through this, I will be a much better father, leader, and mentor than I was before.

            Several things had happened since that dark moment in 2006.  I met the woman that I eventually married in 2012. I reestablished an excellent relationship with my natural daughters. I gained ten grandchildren that know me as PAPI—having retired and moved to OHIO to mentor 3 of my grandsons that required male adult supervision.  I found my purpose. Additionally, I regained my faith that had diminished in the intervening years with the subsequent incidences of riotous living of which I was an active participant.

            I am finding Grandfatherhood is a rewarding experience; being a mentor who understands and takes a teacher's role to my grandsons is the fulfillment of my request made many years ago.  A side benefit is being a mentor to my new son-in-law as I am approached for advice almost daily.  My youngest Grandson accompanies me to church on Sundays and Bible studies on Wednesday nights. I do not have to coax him as he tells me when it's time to go to church. The young man also made me proud (and misty) when he came to the room boldly stating that God will heal Nana.  I will not push the older boys. I believe a good example and reaching my youngest Grandson will do the work without having pressure added to them by me. I expect them to be in attendance during significant milestones in his (my Grandson) growth in his faith when those milestones are recognized in the future.  It seems like a good reason to get my family to come to church with me.

             My purpose is to get those young men to adulthood in one piece, pass my knowledge on to them, and encourage their growth into manhood, helping them along the way with encouragement and mentorship.  Each one is different.  The eldest very reflective and is very happy being alone (which reminds me of me) with his ability to work alone without a lot of interaction with others. I know what life is like and will help him in any way that I can.  The middle Grandson is more tentative, and I try to let him become a little more assertive.  The youngest is pretty much an outgoing bundle of energy, and he will walk up to complete strangers and engage with them most times with hilarious results. I enjoy hanging out with him, especially when we are shopping for groceries. Each morning I get greeted by my youngest, as I get the same request "Papi, will you please fix some oatmeal."  One of the things that I have started doing in earnest in retirement is cooking, as I find it relaxing.  I have folders full of recipes that I have been acquiring that I have been dusting off. I think I have found the range of BBQ spare ribs in my pellet smoker. The last batch of 2 slabs was consumed quickly and efficiently by my family.  I have started baking as well with Peach cobbler, one of my favorites.  I have recently added enchiladas both in rolled and casserole form and red and green varieties.

            Not to say it has been all rainbows and roses. I had a painful employment decision to make. My decision to retire was due to, in part, based on three criteria 1. Fulfillment in my employment. 2 The physical challenges affect my spouse that required my intervention, and 3 is the financial aspect of retiring.  I found that in the combination of my retirement from the USAF, Department of Defense, Va disability, and Social Security, I can transition to focusing on my family, the most important thing in my life. My life has changed tremendously. I now take long walks two times a week in my small town surrounded by farms. It has helped a lot as my stress level has lowered tremendously, most notably due to not being called at 9 PM on the weekend for something mundane.  Now it is getting the Grandsons registered for the fall semester and looking forward to walking the youngest to school (weather permitting). The elementary school is located literally at the end of the walking trail 500 Meters from home.

            All of this reminds me of a Joe Walsh song, "life's been good to me so far." My biggest worry this week is, Where is the Lawn guy? The grass is getting kind of long these days. I better give him a call and see what's up.