Toxicity

Toxicity

There are toxins about you know; the human kind. There are those that toxicity is normal. The struggle comes when one tries move them from their perceived position of power. That is why we get upset with them we want some semblance of control… I got good news for you. Your struggle is over the final votes are in and you can’t change anything about anyone unless they sincerely desire to change. So stop trying.  I have toxic people around me on a daily basis (or at least workdays). I have toxic people in some of my online games I play. I have toxic people that are family members.  The short answer is love them where they are.

Sup wit that Crawdad I have to put up with their stuff. Well yes and no. In my work life. I have to ride with a few regularly.  I don’t have any desire to engage with them in any way shape or form. So using my Bluetooth headset I listen to podcasts.  That one is easy.  I have a friend that wants to engage with them for the sport of it. I actually find this entertaining for a minute or two, as it’s great to get them to contradict themselves then have them defend vehemently that contradiction; Its good sport.   Example the statement was made “money is evil” no it says the love of money is the root of all evil I believe this is evil in the plural sense as in all evils.  Then I ask them have they read Ecclesiastes 10-19 “A feast is made for laughter, and wine maketh merry: but money answereth all things” you should see the heads spin on that one.  The more they talk the worse it gets.  I had the unfortunate experience of them insulting a driver in another vehicle stating “why did he buy a Mercedes he is just showing off”. I asked do you know that guy, how do you know.  I guess you have an issue with my Camaro as well.   I am reading rich dad poor dad and I learning the concept of minding one’s own business (in a financial sense) it’s his money and his Mercedes; what does that have to do with you.   Another coworker suggested those of us with military pensions, or disability should be laid off during the last furlough.  Other than the fact that the person had no idea of how to run all the systems that would be left vacant. It sounded and was ludicrous. (I like it when Iron Mike Tyson says it)   the short story is that they are all around us.  And we have to take the higher road.

Family lord bless them all. We all have one or two that can potentially blow up the family BBQ. Unless one wishes to dip into that morass with them my suggestion is to smile and disengage. (Run away even)  I did say yes and no I know I did. If the toxic person is in your place of safety. (Home) you really don’t have to put up with it. Kindly state that this kind of behavior is not acceptable in your home and ask them to leave.  I personally have the zalls to do that, however there are others that do not.  If one is in neutral territory you are on your own. (Bring a separate car so a quick escape can be made). Under no circumstances should you escalate the issue as emotions are a tough thing to corral if you blow a gasket it’s going to be messier than spilled chili on a white shag carpet.

Gaming toxicity.  I play free to play games I won’t mention the names, but they involve Tanks in a modern environment, tanks in a historical environment, and historical ships.  MY GOD internet courage isn’t that so sad.  New people get beat up and everyone is all up the AZZ about a players stats.    My favorite is Phil Helmuth, this is exactly the person I imagine when these guys go off in a game.  The verbiage is exactly the same “who is this low Win8 player doing trying to carry a game. Dude he just did and whupped your behind in the process.  Another favorite is the guy that has all the advice in game after they have run into the middle of a field alone and mad that he got killed.    The last time someone went off on me. (I killed them with one shot hit the ammo and BOOM!!! ) Was “don’t blame me I took the shot blame RNG (random number generator) for what happened after that, by the way my engine is lubricated with your tears.”   

Well this is what came to mind seeing I am writing something about something every day I can.  So please excuse the venting of my virtual spleen hope this helps someone even gets a small laugh 

I'm back now

I've been away

I have been away for a while. This is another iteration of my Do-Over. I have a dream of one day being a writer. More specifically a novelist.  I was reading articles about writing and found one written by Stephen King. He states if you wish to be a writer then write. So here goes. My intent is for this to chronicle the changes that that I undergo as I attempt to re-make myself for the 3rd time. This time the change is much deeper and significant than all the others combined. It is intended to be a total overhaul, as I have given myself 6 years (my retirement from federal service) to emerge from the chrysalis.  God willing (and the creek don't rise) there will be changes to my internal and external makeup during that period.  (detailed information to follow)

            Why now?  I'm so glad you asked. This is where I wound up after years of being alone, angry, and blaming others.  This means I have learned to deal with the responsible person (ME)  It also had roots in a couple of events in my life, and the advice of a carpool mate who made a suggestion that I took to heart and has taken off with me getting more information and direction than I have ever had. I'll talk about that later. The next event was the return of a set of grandchildren from NY State back to the El Paso area, as their father is in the Military.  It all began with the eldest asking me a couple of questions.  This 6 year old asked “Papi did you know there was a Black Hole in the center of the Milky Way galaxy? That question hit me in the head like a grenade going off. The next major question was. Papi what’s Magnetism?   That was a bomb going off in my head… I questioned myself and asked. How am I going to be able to instruct this young man?  He is so far ahead of where I was at 6 that it was scary.  I have to do something, I have to be something greater for him and all those that look up to me.  That is a sobering thought. So months later when I got the suggestion from a carpool mate, it clicked.  Oh the suggestion. Do you listen to podcasts? I said no, but I listen to a lot of audio-books. It makes me aware and of things and I want to keep my mind active.   He gave me a couple of suggestions that I liked. I then sent in search of I found the Do-over guy. Self-improvement suggestions and further education on remaking one’s self. That is where I am today.  So here it is.

            Where do I start? How do I start? I have to start somewhere so here goes. Where do I need improvement?  In all areas of my life.  Financially, physically, emotionally, and in the way I think.  I have started the financial part now I am paying off debts that I have accumulated over the years and will clean that mess up.  But I forgot the most important change of all.  That is to be responsible. Responsible for my words and deeds. I already don’t like making excuses. This goes much further.  I have a couple of family members and friends that I have or will make myself accountable. Also I am sticking out my neck and telling the entire world if my successes and failures, as there will be both. I also need to lose 100-110 of my closest friends.  No not any of you guys, but the extra pounds that I have come to follow me around and has become the “Monkey” on my back.  I need to keep my emotions in check, have a more positive attitude and look at life for the gift it is.  When one realizes that there is a strong possibility that the next 20 years will be the end of me it makes one consider what one has amassed and what one leaves behind.  I have stopped drinking alcohol to excess.  “4 bouts of gout is a great incentive to slow up on the Dos Equis, and Johnny walker Black Red and Blue. “  For the record this walk is my walk I am not encouraging any one to follow (as I am lost and can’t find my way as it is) this is a journey that I have started after many false starts and failures.  By writing this I hope to keep motivated and covet your encouragement.