Pain is Joy

                                                                          Pain is Joy

 

40 or so years ago, I was flat on my back after being thrown during a sparring session with my sensi and older Filipino gentleman around 45-50 years old. I hit the mat hard. Getting up groaning, he smiled and said Mr. Manny, Pain is joy. I did not get it right away, but he explained the concept. If you feel the pain, you are still alive to feel it, and if you can move, you will be okay, so deal with the pain and get up. My arrogance, fueled by my around 25 or 26 years old with some karate training, did not respect my teachers' skills as I should have. I was not careful. I approached the situation with a sledgehammer. He was using just the slightest redirection of my momentum to get me off my feet and on my back in a blur of motion. I learned my lesson that day. The subject today is pain.

            Pain is a teacher; it gives warning, establishes boundaries, and reinforces actions used to modify one's behavior. This is true of physical and or emotional pain. How often has the thought occurred, "Let's not do that again; that did not feel good?" Today, I got a painful warning while sitting in the dialysis chair. At the three-hour mark, I noticed, without warning, my ankles turning inward and cramping painfully. After seeing me struggle, the technician reduced the rate at which excess water was removed from my system. That pain was impressive. I have never seen an ankle turn so dramatically all by itself. Without that pain, I would not know the level of dehydration that I was suffering mechanically.

            That was physical pain. There is emotional pain. Having lived differently in different times, I found some of my good or bad decisions led to pain. I have felt loss, be it due to the passing of a friend or the consequences of bad choices and decisions I have made. I'm glad to say I'm not making that mistake anymore; however, sometimes I misstep and confuse things. What pain does is slow one down. It slows the response emotionally, meaning less apt to react with emotion when presented with something that does not seem right. Something that offends and those that would look to provoke just because it is a day that ends in the letter Y. I took a long time to get here in this essay, but here is where my head has been as of late. It might make some in our movement have a "clutch the pearls" moment, but I read, listen, and study many things that cross my curiosity threshold. Hebrews 12:2 For the joy set before me endured the cross disregarding the shame (ESV) and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. In the premise of this essay, I state, "Pain is joy." I have an internal problem with the megachurch concept: we should not be sick, poor, or unhappy. The Buddhists believe that life is suffering. Everything causes suffering, and one cannot do anything about it.

The Stoics believe suffering is part of the lives of those unable to handle emotions. The Shinto religion believes that suffering is not a form of punishment as much as it is a natural element of human existence. Guess what? They are all right in varying degrees. What is missing is the end of it all: Why do we do what we do as Christians? I accept the Stoic version with this difference: I always have someone with me to share the good times and the bad.  Isaiah 53 5, "But he was wounded for our transgressions he bruised for our iniquities. the chastisement for our peace was upon him, and by his stripes, we are healed." We have an advocate who was wrongly accused, beaten, and put to death in one of the most painful ways humans devised. So by knowing that, not on a surface level but deeply in our spirit, we can endure tremendous hardship and pain, knowing that we have a God who has also done it.

Having spent a couple of hours on operating room tables, I approach it not with trepidation but accept it as the price of doing business. I live with the consequences of the "riotous living that I have to pay the fee for in this stage of my life. Do not get me wrong; I expect to be healed eventually, but I'm not waiting for a third party to intervene. I got into this situation and must take the appropriate steps to get to the other side of this challenge. I look to the challenge ahead of me, my wife, grandchildren, and family and get them set up for the time after me to be the most successful version of themselves they can make. To that end, I have chosen to associate with people with a spiritual walk stronger than mine, faith more robust than I have, and a witness I can look up to. I tell my grandsons this all the time. Your friends can lift you to their level. However, associating with people who have made choices that are not the best will also drag one down with them. I tell my grandson that if he hangs with four brilliant people, he will be the fifth; he will always rise to the level of your competition. Knowing this from the beginning will be beneficial to one's growth.  

Of cabbages and kings

 

     Of Cabbages and Kings

 

"The time has come, Ole Papi said to speak of many things. Of shoes of ships and sealing wax and cabbages and Kings."

Today was the 1st of hopefully many discussions with one of my grandsons about "stuff" in general. It was a wide-ranging conversation about liars and why they lie, whether in the media or our personal lives. We discussed how the wealthy pass their wealth to their children and how to accomplish that task for themselves when it comes. Additionally, we talked about compound interest and how it is both a benefit and a bane of existence. We talked about the purpose of family. Why family exists, and what are the dynamics of a family (from my perspective)

            One of the exciting topics was compound interest, described as money that creates money from money that does not yet exist. I explained I bought the house where we live for a few hundred thousand dollars. However, after 30 years have passed, we will pay significantly more than that, close to double. That is what they call interest, money that does not exist. I explained how people like Elon Musk have ownership of very little. However, he has access to everything. We talked about how a company, for tax purposes, is treated. as if it were a person. The trick is to learn how that takes place and use it for your purposes. (I'm skipping the boring details)

            We talked about lies and liars. I asked him, "Do you remember that submarine incident a week or so ago?" And how they spoke about them having 36 hours or so of oxygen remaining, keeping the situation firmly at the center of our attention to find out that the US NAVY knew almost immediately that the boat had imploded with all hands aboard. I told my Grandson the Navy has vast experience with undersea sounds and knows what a boat sounds like when it's crushed. My question was, "What else was going on that week that was important but possibly needed a distraction? I offered him a thing or two that were going on that did not get the same level of coverage as there were some legal issues in Washington, DC, and some plea deal. I forgot the details. I told him of an individual who took a woman's life with a child using a stolen handgun; that story has three major problems. First, the accused perpetrator was a person of color. Second, the pistol used was stolen, and finally, the person will be charged with double murder or killing the mother and child. There are problems with the story's facts based on the possible contradictions with prevailing thoughts on those issues. I told him I used to say when I hear a story, I immediately think, "I wonder if that is true," but I have to add why they said it if it is false.

            We went on to "What are you going to do in your shop classes at the local trade school" In the future, you will have to choose a job in a trade or go to college with the result being a paying job that will cover the lifestyle he wishes to have. I told him, "Remember that if you borrow money to go to college at some point, that money will have to be paid back. You will have to weigh the benefits of a paid apprenticeship without the use of going to college. That will be his choice that will have to be made at some point, and that will be yours alone to figure out.

            We talked about the concept of military life and lawful orders. This thought was triggered by someone driving a front-end loader down the highway. I said now, that's been a while since I went one. I told him I was a generator mechanic. However, a phrase added to the bottom of my job description was "and all other assigned duties." Now the concept of a lawful order came up. I told him of a story of a Col who wanted lights to be blacked out at some point in some exercise. He gave said order which I relayed to my supervisor, who, while saying we are ready to complete this order as shown, however, this is the area of a contractor's construction area. If we interfere with their project, there will be command interest as to who, why, and who gave the order to do that. We did not have to complete the task we were ordered to accomplish. At some point, you will have to choose between doing what is right, based on your values, and being willing to pay the price to go against the stream.

            We discussed my history regarding my wife and her inherent distrust of all things female about me. Being a knucklehead gave someone a ride to work at some point, and I got a call for assistance at some ungodly hour, and I had to explain the why's and wherefores of that interaction. To be brief, I took what can be called a significant league azz chewing, which left no doubt on her position on the subject, regardless of my guilt or innocence. When my butt regrew, it was attached to a much wiser individual. I understood where she came from based on her history in previous associations and who I was when we first met. Yea, that was a rough one. I told him there should be only one person that one should take that level of criticism, and it is one chosen mate (if done respectfully in both directions). The discussion went to my escapade when I passed out in a parking garage, that had me in the hospital for two days. My wife put me on her shoulders to get me into a wheelchair to the ER. I told him I gave Nana BIG props for standing up when I needed someone to step in and handle business as I did for her a time or two.

     We finally discussed family. I asked what my purpose is in this family, is it for myself and what I need or want, or is it for someone else? He looked and said, me? That is correct. It is you. You and Nana come first; then I come in second or third. My needs go after I ensure you and the rest of the family's needs are met. If I put myself first, then it gets problematic for everyone. I told him family is my primary purpose; it is why I am here doing what I do daily. I can't answer others, as that is not my responsibility.

It was a good talk, and I look forward to doing it again soon. The middle grandson's appt with me is tomorrow. Being

 

Grandson discussion II

                                                  Grandson Discussion Part 11

 

Occasionally, I like to take my grandson aside for a discussion. Today's discussion started with logic and reason during male-female relations. I sent him a video earlier stating that I wanted to give him a practical example of our family.

          We have a granddaughter graduating high school next year. I laid out the costs for the airfare lodging for 6-7 days next year and laid those numbers out for him. Then I asked a question. Do you think the young lady graduating would like a check for $2000 instead of the cross-country trip for a week to see her crossover?   Well, that's the logic vs. emotion part of the equation. Guess who would rather pay the 2K and not travel to graduation, and who would not? I come from a place of logic that says it's okay for the 2k. Now I could insist and push my idea, but you know how that will go. It will fly like a Led Zepplin. I am not in the mood for an extinction-level event. So, we are going to the graduation. (Lord bless and says the same) 

          We then talked about his thoughts on eventually getting a car. And how he has to balance the overall cost of ownership car + insurance. Vs. The vehicle is "looking good," I am pleased he has the concept nailed down (for now). We looked at cars, what they would cost, and the payment when purchased.

The next topic was the subject of knives. I have a spring-assisted knife on my desk that I use to open boxes. It's fun to work the mechanism "just because." He asked me what the laws are for minors carrying knives. Ohio has no knife restrictions, with the following exceptions: schools and Courts. My suggestion is that because one can do, something doesn't mean someone should do something. For example, "It is perfectly legal for me to go to a restaurant or bar and get a beer." However, it is not advisable, seeing I'm in 5^th-stage renal failure and waiting for a kidney.

Additionally, you know what would happen if I came home a little tipsy. That would be a no-bueno situation if I were foolish to try it. I took this golden opportunity to quote some Bible."

1 Corinthians 10:23 (ESV) -- "All things are lawful," but not all things are helpful. "All things are lawful," but not all things build up." PAPI has to inject some divine wisdom occasionally to ensure he pays attention.

I will continue to bring up things to him, and my goal is to give him the information on all the subjects I can that I did not know when I was his age.

I'm just doing my grandfatherly duty.