How Stoicism brought me back to
Jesus.
It was approximately 3
years ago, my life was a mess. I had no idea what I was doing, and I did not see
where I would be in this new year of 2020. I was angry, bitter, and depressed. I
still carry fear. Not the debilitating type of fear. It was the fear of going
all-in in my life. I then downloaded my 1st audiobook on the subject,
it was Practical Stoicism. What I learned was to stand for what is virtuous. And
not to give attention to things beyond one’s control. This part is a little convoluted.
I read the scripture 2, Timothy because something was tugging at the back of my
mind. That is the point I was learning
from the Stoic Philosophers on enduring hard times.
2nd timothy 3-5
“Thou, therefore, endure hardness as a good soldier of Jesus Christ.
4 No man that warreth
entangleth himself with the affairs of this life; that he may please him who
hath chosen him to be a soldier. 5 And if a man also strives for masteries, yet
is he not crowned, except he strives lawfully.”
I read this to be an admonition
to endure those things that appear that are out of one’s control. Which is one
of the stoic virtues? We have 3 things that are totally in our control.
1.
Our thoughts = what we think of an event
or circumstance whether its positive or negative one has the freedom of thought
2.
Our Judgements =How we perceive an action
or circumstances in one’s life.
3.
Our Actions = How do we respond to the
above listed circumstances.
These things are totally under
our control. This control is possible
only when one accepts the consequence of the results of those things that we
control be they good or bad. The test comes when outside forces try to compel us
to feel,.think, or act a certain way, hate a particular group, or feel a certain
way. As for me, I do not play the
political game. As I have no control in any outcome that happens. Speaking on that subject for a minute or so, I
listen to what people in the world publicly say and do. If one takes an action
when they are in charge, then change one’s position because if the office one
is seeking, I know two things that are true 1. at one time in a person’s life
they did not believe in a particular tenet, and now they say that they do believe in that tenet. 2. I cannot
trust them because of something my dad used to say. “were you lying then or lying
to me now.
To persuade a
group of an argument if an emotional argument is used, I think why not a logical argument, because feelings are changeable truth and facts, are not.
I took these things and examined my life. What
was I doing that did not line up with my thought’s judgments and actions? I
wanted to get a handle on my life, and knowing what I controlled and what I did
not control led to my return to the church.
I left a long time ago, out of shame over my actions. I did not believe
that I could be used by God because of my own transgressions. I accepted responsibility
for what had happened, gutted out the consequences of my actions, and tried to
rebuild what I could. I had a revelation on who I was. I did not like the
person that I became. I was searching for those answers when I found Stoicism. When
I listened to Socrates, it led me to other stoics and learned that there were
other Stoics I could learn from. The one that stood is Marcus Aurelius,
whose writings “meditations” were not for public release. They were letters to
himself as he journaled to himself regularly.
Several of his messages spoke to me I will list a few.
“If you are distressed by
anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your
estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”
“The object of life is
not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the
ranks of the insane.”
“How much more grievous
are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.”
And finally.
“If any man despises me,
that is his problem. My only concern is not doing or saying anything deserving
of contempt.”
Armed with this new knowledge
I knew a couple of things. I had to change it up. I had to find a mission in
life, and I had to make amends to those that I offended, and change how I thought
and acted.
I had something that brought it home. I am
a relatively new husband and father. I was exposed to the old me, and it hurt
badly. You see one of my daughters is/was married to a person that is really
90% of who I was. It was all fun and games until one sees it being applied to one’s
own family. This family member suffered greatly in her situation, and I was
powerless to help. This moved me to apologize to the people that I caused to
suffer. The next thing is that I became accountable to my father in law. As some
of you know, some family members put the fun into dysfunctional. I
told my Pop that he should worry about the ones on his side of I1as I will take
responsibility of the persons on this side of I10 that need help. I also became accountable to an old friend of
over 46 years who has the unique ability of always speaking the truth and speaking
his mind whether I liked it or not. This is an example of a conversation we had in
that regard. Hey, I just sold my Camaro as I made 5000 dollars on the sale, I am
paying off most pf my credit cards and will be paying the rest off with my tax
return. His response was classic” Manny, I am so glad that you got smart and stopped
driving that Phallic symbol…Just saying, bro.” There is an aspect that I am not
having too much fun with. I have to cut some people out of my life that I have
been friends with for a long time. The best way is to separate oneself. From those
that knew me at that time that I was participating in what the word describes
as “riotous living “and keeps bringing it up as a reminder of the past. I was speaking to a coworker, and I saw him preparing
to say something that would make me uncomfortable as it was for comedic reasons, and I cut him off by saying “Hey bro
would you be saying what you are about to say if Jesus was standing next to you.”
Seeing I sit in the pew next to him in
church, I knew he would get the message.
Back to Jesus, I read a
lot mostly for edification, some for research, and some just because. I started
writing primarily as a journal for myself. I was inspired by the former emperor of
Rome. I throw it out there primarily to sharpen my skills as a writer, as it is a dream
of mine to become one. (but that’s another story). I met with the members of my
former church at a memorial service for a good friend in the congregation. It was
great to connect again with my friends and church family. I also had another stoic lesson. It seems
that others have opinions about my future plans, and did not hesitate to let me
know their opinion. When I noticed that the person was not interested in my
explanation, justification, or thoughts on what I had not even decided yet, I
just let it go, as it would not matter in the overall scheme of things. I decided to return to church, a church where
no one actually knows me. I went to worship and to reconnect with the
Lord without the distractions of that past that I am so not proud of. I am
on a mission. I see myself of my local family unit and, as in the words of the former
emperor of Rome, “Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one.”
– Marcus Aurelius
I’m working on it.
