Sadness

Sadness

Sometimes there is not enough time. I am in mourning for a person that had a pivotal role in my ability to grow into an adult human being. She is not the only one but, she and her husband were lights in one of my darkest hours. The year was 1980-81 I had been just let go from a job. Soroc Technologies. We made dumb terminals which connected to mainframes. I started in assembly and advanced to hot-test and shipping then I was shipped out to my next adventure (I just didn’t see it that way. I, in fact, had a good friend that worked there that I would love to find again. John Gagnon. We used to go to the old Woody Allen movies and quote the lines all the time. Sorry for the shout-out. I was out on the bricks was staying with my roommates, and since I could not do the rent anymore, I was out of there. I had a friend (Hell still have a friend) Mark that asked his parents if I could move in temporarily until I could get on my feet. We were in a WWII reenactment group that I was exposed to because I was a friend to a curator of a military museum. Yes, there are pictures out there of me in a WWII uniform firing blanks at people in German uniforms. Hell, we did a half-time show. Where I got to shoot a .50 cal from a WWII vintage tank.  There is a picture of me in a WWII jeep at a reenactment dance where I wore pinks and greens. I even took Jitterbug lessons so I could fit into the atmosphere.

            Edith and Grant took me into their home and treated me like family including some sage advice these were some of the kindest people I have met. I will state for the record that this was my blessing from above I have had a series of families that were kind to this knucklehead from south central. That’s another really long story; needless to say, an interesting one.  I had a decision to make. I walked into the Recruiting office in Orange California in the late summer of 1980 and went to the AF recruiter I joined the USAF delayed enlistment entering April 28, 1981.

My 1^st mistake. I should have paid Grant and Edith in advance for the rent they charged for me to be there, as it was very reasonable. Which meant when my dumb butt realized it, I had to get a job. I worked doing temp office work (a strategic decision) as I found office work was good for my dating life.  (another story that will remain untold)

            It was at this time the value of my time with them was made evident. From them, I received some sage advice, and I can point to every time that advice was correct during my time serving in the U.S.A.F.  I was told beware of the guy that wants someone to pay for a round but hesitated reach in their own pocket to buy one. Identified that one right away and lifted a glass to Grant. I just remember seeing a down to earth family going to church, being active in the community and people namely Marc and Carol that are now my brother and sister. Oh, I have plenty of brothers and sisters out there that I have acquired since I was a teenager in So Central LA that I am still in contact with to this day.  Grant was called home to be with the Lord while I was overseas, I did and continue to miss him. Talk about someone that walked it like they talked it.  That was him.  I recently within the last 2 years regained contact with the rest of the family. This was due to the phenomenon of Social Media in particular and Facebook in general. I'm seeing kids, grandkids foreign adventures, and was glad to be in contact with them again.
We exchanged numbers and we call regularly. Edith asked me to come to see her. I unfortunately due to illness and finances was unable to go back to California to see her again. As you see on the 1^st day of spring this year surrounded by family laughing and enjoying each other Edith quietly passed from this existence to the next.  The feelings of grief, sadness and the shame of not being able to come back to California for a visit have deeply affected me.  Now the aftermath and the legal implications of the final disposition of Edith’s final wishes have to be fulfilled. The only thing that I can add to this is that through the years I have seen strange things happen during this tragic time in a family. I started my journey that led to being a part of their family began earlier in 1980 when my mother passed away suddenly. To my California family, you have a cohesive unit full of love and compassion as it is in your DNA, as I had the honor of knowing your mom and dad.  Every time we talked since then it was and is like going home, as you all sound the same. Remember you have each other to carry you through to the rest of your time here on earth. Kids, grandkids sons and daughters and in-laws are looking to you for leadership as you are approaching the top of the pyramid. You have a unique position of leadership that can not be dismissed or devalued.  The adhesive that holds your family together is strong and can withstand the winds of difficulty and change, I know its strong because I know where it came from. Be good to each other because we are are not isolated islands in a stream. we need each other to make it through another day. I have had a recent drought in my writing as of late. Your family has inspired me to continue to do that as I use it to let what I have bottled up to be released into the atmosphere. To do so is to release something eternal into the universe. We as people need to keep the vision our eyes up and aware making sure our loved ones are protected from things from the outside that could do us harm.  Mistakes happen, heck stuff happens every day.

Be Excellent to each other. 

Canned Answers

Canned answers

I don’t watch the news I skim for topics that interest me and do my research on each one. So, when it comes up to the rare occasion that I “stupidly” respond to a work conversation on a lively topic, I do not have a ready list of answers from the Major networks.

1.      I free speech on campus. I blundered to this one with a knee jerk reaction to a dumb azz statement. “You know the president just signed an executive order restricting the ability of a university to restrict free speech on campus.”  With my dumb azz, I blurted out “that’s a bad thing?”  I then heard the rehash of talking points. Oh, Manny, it doesn’t matter and just walk away. Of the 17 people in your section you only care about 6 or 7 on the govt side, and all of the cool azz contractors, that leaves a few that I do not particularly care for.  Oh, I will pull over to help them if they get a flat tire on the highway, but I’m not taking them out for drinks after work.  Unfortunately, This is someone that I respect as he was a MAJOR influence in me getting into IT after I retired from active duty, and have known him for 20+ years. I can tell because he is plugged into the news 6 or 7 hrs a day. I’m usually listening to a book. For the next few days,s it’s a spy novel.  One has to do something while software is loading, unlocking accts and other mundane tasks like patching servers.   So, he comes up with this thought whenever this white supremacist. Goes on campus there are riots my next question (to strike the preverbal match) is Ben Shapiro a white supremacist, just asking? He says can you let me make my point? Go ahead then he goes on the MSNBC rant that I heard heading to the restroom only 15 mins earlier. You see I don’t have canned answers readily on hand that do not require thought. So, If did if a riot is the point of emphasis,  then do we limit the ability of some teams to reach a championship.(I’m looking at you City of Brotherly love)  is the constitution only for those we agree with, or is it the supreme law of the land however flawed it can be  (Dred Scott v Sanford 1857) which was nullified by a subsequent amendments namely 13^th and the 14^th amendments. I believe that it is even with its notable flaws.   I could have had the smart azz answer that I didn’t know you supported the same line of thinking that put Jews in boxcars, but didn’t, or whenever these black people march there is a riot, and we need to sick the police dogs and water hoses on them, but didn’t just let it go as it really didn’t matter.  The person is a terrific guy I have difficulty with the concept of a person well versed in the Bible and says they believe it and some of the things that get from his the internal tape recorder. that two master thing rears its ugly head (I'm just as guilty from time to time.) "Fault in others I can see but praise the lord there's none in me"  thanks pastor 

 2.      Gun control the question was “I don’t know why someone would want a weapon of war for self-protection. Another canned answer My answer was, have you read the decision laid down by the Supreme court in the case of Heller vs. the District of Columbia 2008?  If not educate yourself and we can discuss the merits of that case at a later time then put my headphones (another book) and turned away.  I will note reading the majority opinion of Justice Scalia, and the minority opinion of John Paul Stevens is interesting and more enlightening than any news story offered by any pundit

 3.      Golan Heights after the question “should they give it back to Syria” I asked have you seen a map of the Golan Heights area. It borders Israel from Syria, Jordan, and Lebanon.  Have you read accounts from the 1973 war? How the Golan Heights are the high ground with the border of Israel on a downward slope toward the sea. Have you read the accounts of the pitched battles of the 1^st line units holding on until the reservists could be mobilized outnumbered by hordes of Soviet-made T-55 tanks? Have you looked at the map and thought how did they survive let alone win? Looking at that map one will see the strategic importance of a buffer between themselves and the other hostile nations to the east north and south.  If not, do that 1st because “reading is fundamental” let’s talk later about the aspects of this conundrum.  If reading is tough the History channel has plenty of documentaries on the subject however, in my opinion, reading is much more preferable than getting it on the tube. But that’s just me.

In conclusion:

  I don’t have a ready-made answer that does not require thought even if I don’t like said responses.  If I, as a thinking human being, let others speak for me, or I let them use my brain to parrot the thoughts of others what am I as a person.  There is an old joke that falls in this category. “Some people say I do my thinking with my little head. That’s wrong my little head does my thinking FOR me” The question is whose head is being used to promote the exchange of ideas? I prefer using the head resting comfortably in my northern regions, as opposed to the one below the Equator What I should have done was said in each of those incidents was simply say that’s nice and move on.  I once failed to follow the advice of my father who said. “No one has permission to know what you think unless you give them permission.”

You see “The problems of 3 little people don’t matter a hill of beans in this crazy world” Thanks Bogey