Hey Manny how that I have your attention let’s talk.

And there I was, minding my own business in a hospital room at 2 AM in the morning on Christmas Eve.  I was alone in my thoughts. Please note that I at no point heard voices from beyond, but I was allowing myself to be led in my thought process.  I did begin to think and reflect on how I got here. In a room hooked up to several monitors and breathing pure oxygen. My bride has gone home for the evening for about 5 hrs. Earlier. The incessant peeping was keeping me awake.  My arm hurt from the presence of the 18 gauge the umbilical cord that was providing me a steady stream of antibiotics steroids, and various other medications.

 In these Thoughts, I reflected on my Grandchildren, all of them near and far.   I felt sad because I have not completed my task of helping to prepare them for a world that is more complex than anything I experienced in my youth.  The Pity party was trying to start.  Then I considered how I got here.  At some point, after Memorial Day weekend I contracted something that slowly ate away at my lung capacity and culminated in my being in this hospital bed. I had a couple of warnings. I had an episode at work that got me on an operating room table with a probe and dye exploring the inner reaches of my heart.  Not only did they fins mt heart, but it was 100% functional with zero blockages.   I just thought I was just out of shape.  I would get to that in time. I was the president of a very small nation, the procrastination.  I was feeling sorry for myself.   At that point, I thought of my mistakes my missteps and my many failings in my past.  At that time I finally admitted to myself that I still was holding on to a couple of them.   I have not felt worthy of redemption.  My task in life is to assist others to get to their potential, but I was too far gone because of the things that I have done. I have been a hypocrite and not following my own advice “In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure ensure you have put on your oxygen mask before helping others.”

I have come to an impasse in my life. I did not believe that I deserved anything good, but at the same time, I wanted to be an example to my grandkids, and an inspiration to my family. Those goals I now know are mutually exclusive (you can’t do both).  I have to allow myself to be blessed to bless others.  So I believe that the fact I was allowed to work this thing out for myself.  I do have a relationship with the Almighty, Higher power, Creator, Supreme Being, or Jesus Christ if you will. I, however, have been running from it due to my personal guilt. Yea I know it’s on the dumb side. My intent, however, is not to proselytize, but just to tell a story. I was too hard-headed to do what is necessary because it’s hard.  My Parents use d to say “A hard head makes for a soft behind.   The hard thing is actually not fighting for what I want in life. I have wishes, but before my journey of self-awakening, they were not that important to me. In the cosmos of ideas, dreams are useless unless there is a plan. After beating myself up for two days, I made some promises to myself.  

1. Barring injury to myself by circumstances I cannot control I will do everything within my power to extend the duration of my existence on this planet to be there for my family.
2. I will make every effort to become more spiritual in my life and develop a deeper relationship with GOD. Spirituality=Good, Religious = not as good.
   I will set goals for the aspects of my life that need attention (all of them)
3. I will relieve myself of the things that are holding me back and links to the past that I wish to be rid of.  Caveat. I have genuine friends that understand where I am coming from and they will not be abandoned ever.
4. I have dreams that I need to pursue and will pursue them.  
5. Take every opportunity to attack my personal debt position.

So this was the outcome of my come to Jesus meeting. It was not that bad. The Task now is to execute that plan. 

Since the original writing of this blog, the following things have happened.  I on Jan 15, 2019, underwent gastric bypass. At the time of the initial drafting of the original blog post, I weighed 345 Lbs. As of today 5 May 2019 I weigh 258lbs. I sold my 2013 Camaro and used the returns to start attacking my debt this in concert with my tax return this year, the goal of debt freedom appears closer than ever.  To date, I have returned to the gym intending to reach my goal weight of 218lbs.