Fear is the Mind-Killer
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
Bene Gesserit Litany against Fear.
This is the premise the phrase that is the thought behind this dissertation…
1st a little about me, I will let you all know my weakness, my Achilles heel. It is total abject Anger and Rage. I will tell you my fears; I fear success, and failure.
Knowing this I will state for the record that I am a total CONTROL FREAK!!! I however do not have the need to control others. I have an intense/consuming need to control I myself starting with my emotions. I have a dread and intense fear of heights. I don’t want to even be on a ladder, but for 20 years I found myself in or on the following objects 100,000 gallon fuel tanks, worked in bucket trucks and ran category 5 cables over the top of a 15 ton overhead crane (warehouse size). It was my job it was something that had to be done and a fear that had to be overcome. That being said……
My pet peeve (the one relevant to this discussion) is TOTAL ABJECT MINDNUMBING FEAR!!! It causes a visceral reaction that triggers in me anger and rage, but being the control freak I try to throttle down my own emotions, as they can be intimidating to others. When I talk about fear I’m not talking about fears like drowning, dangerous animals and fish. Those are healthy fears. I’m talking of the fear of things that do not have any capacity to harm anyone; bringing total panic (the jumping up and down screaming wildly panic.) This is why; how can you control others when you (as an adult) you cannot control yourself.
Personally I survey my environment especially when driving home from work. I try to think “what if” with the cars around me to have a preplanned course of action when or if the stuff hits the fan. Back to fear. With this being my pet peeve let me tell you what I cherish, and value most that is COURAGE. The ability to work effectively when faced with the prospect of imminent harm to one’s self or ones loved ones. The character i admire most in the movie saving Private Ryan was the sniper.” Blessed be the LORD my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight” The least favorite character was the TOTAL COWARD that let his buddy get run through with his own bayonet by a German soldier and stood passively by when that soldier came back down the stairs. I felt this emotion coming up from my core I wanted to beat him with my bare hands. I can’t watch that movie again because that feeling I get in that scene is so overwhelming.
For me (unwarranted) fear is something to me that is so repugnant that I have to mentally take control of myself and throttle myself. I have to accept others in their paths in life or it would consume me… When I get that way I have to do something constructive of a physical nature, as it is difficult to be angry and tired at the same time.
Now I have used fear in the past to control others. I have 2 examples one of fear and one of the overcoming of fear (It worked like a champ both times) There was a football game years ago (more like decades) I was coaching 10-12 year olds and we got down 14-0 in the 2nd quarter they ran the option and ran it well. I thought of a interesting solution it was called assignment football, as it would work at that level. Got the defense together told them starting with the Defensive Ends. If the QB comes your way running the option CLOCK HIM whether he has the ball or not just hit him. I read the rule to the defense concerning people simulating having the ball to prove it, as I kept a rulebook in my pocket at all times. Gentlemen I mean hit him and let his ancient forefathers feel it. Do it legal and HARD!!! To the Linebackers, if the ball comes your side tackle the Fullback (period) the offside linebacker pursue and hit the 1st person in an odd colored jersey turning the corner to the tackles make contact with the tackle/guard and 1st disrupt the guard as he wants to block the onside backer and then penetrate if you can’t make the play make a mess. Corners you have the pitchman (period) you can bust him and knock him down if he is behind the line of scrimmage and he will pitch the ball to no one. Safeties you have everything else because they might pass so cover pass 1st run 2nd. Now with those instructions, we went to work. Pitch came WHAM QB on his butt pitchman dropped for a loss (I’m smiling now) it went on like that with mixed results but they didn’t make the 1st down so we got the ball back. We finally scored on a broken play (I’ll take it). So it ended at 14-7 at the half. Reinforced what I told them at the break and the kids were excited. They got the ball 1st in the 2nd half they kept running it and didn’t catch on to what I was doing. WHAM, WHAM, WHAM the QB was now having a bad day. Then it happened, he faked it tried to turn the corner and the end got his facemask on the football and fumbled. The linebacker scooped it up (he shoulda fell on it) and its now 14-14. Both teams fought to a stalemate to the 4th quarter then I noticed something. The QB looked Play-side when the option was called and his hands were visibly shaking. The middle backer saw it too. I called Time out. (Should not have but it seemed like a good idea at the time)I told the Defense we had them right where we wanted them, and I predict you guys will win the game on defense (because the offense was having trouble, as their defense was excellent). The end came late in the 4th quarter when (true to form) the QB’s hands started visibly shaking again. He took the snap saw the end, and pitched the ball totally missing the back. The DB picked up and took it straight to the HOUSE. 21-14 with 2 minutes left we held on and won the game. That was totally due to the fear that we inspired.
Now for the overcoming of fear; in another Football game (this time in Okinawa) I had this kid that could really throw the ball. This time it was 11-13 year olds. He had a problem because he looked at the rush instead of the receivers. After a sack when he held the ball too long (we had someone WIDE!!! open in the seam all alone) I called a time out. “Son we are having a great game aren’t we?” Man id buy a ticket to see this one I need to pull you so we can have a talk you aren’t in trouble but I need to talk with you. We put the other QB in and we moved the ball enough for our discussion and it went like this. Ok I need to ask you a question. “If you are locked up in a fight you with a dog are you going to fight the dog or try not to get bitten?” he said try not to get bitten, WRONG MY FRIEND!!! You are fighting a dog he is going to bite you, and the best way to stop getting bit is to get the dog to not want to fight so you have to fight with ALL YOU GOT to get that dog off of you. I noticed the confused look and I brought it home for him. You are in a football game you going to try not to get hit, or are you going to throw the DANG ROCK. We got guys running wide open, and they can catch. Trust them put the ball where I tell you and I promise you will score… This was like the 2nd game of the season. Ok this is the next call fake 32 dive pass I’m sending the left side wide-out on a post. Just put it up and let’s see what happens… we ran the play but this time he stood there looking for the receiver’s break and just when he released the ball, WHAM the Linebacker clocked him. (thought he would go for the fake, my bad) The ball was perfect caught the receiver in stride and 63 yards later TOUCHDOWN!!! I looked back at the QB he was running to me COACH I DID IT I DID IT I said yes you did. When we get back on offense you can do it again. I also told him if we get the ball back right away you can get started NOW. You are in at safety so GO GET EM!!! YES COACH!!! He ran out on the field and the safety came off and looked at me. I said Dude you are getting back in the game trust me… There was a fumble and at the bottom of the pile was the QB/safety, and he was jumping and screaming. (I think I unlocked a Frankenstein) ran a couple of dives no soap so I called a pass. (3 step drop slant/hook/go both backs stay in.) QB drops back nothing then he takes off running. I YELLED WHAT YA DOIN (never mind) Touchdown… he came back to me smiling again and I had this (faked mad look) DID I CALL FOR A RUN. He said no coach… good Job son thinking on your feet cause there was nothing there. We won the game by 3 touchdowns. We made the playoffs that year and made it to the Super Bowl for our age group, but lost 12-6. Stuff happens… The Pizza eased the sting of defeat. I was so proud of him. His dad told me later that after that he was a changed young man. I don’t know where he is now but I have a picture of him and the team in my office and I am so proud of them.
Now fear can control you or you can control yourself, as self-control is the ultimate goal of a control freak like me. To quote my DAD “BOY when you see me get scared it’s time to be scared. Jus Sayin
P/S you all do know that courage is contagious, but so is cowardice…..
