My FIVE!!!

My Five

I was Taught that one’s life is the sum total of ones five closest friends. These are my five as of this date in 2019

  

They are (initial’s only) MB, DR, HP, RM, and CH. And a couple of honorable mentions. I know their families, and there are only excellent and impressive folks that anyone can look up to. I will show the aspects of these my friends “M.B. the Balanced one” D.R. the Strong one” R.M. the Steadfast one. H.P. the Man of Faith C.H. The professional. I also have a couple of honorable mentions R, C, and S, D.

 M, B, The Balanced Family man. MB is in my five because he has taken the road that was bumpy and has come out on the other side.  He has taught at the college level and has a successful business. His experience, whether it is how things have changed in the US military, or just shooting the breeze to teaching me the correct technique for trigger pull to keep the holes on the paper and not in the dirt next to it. He has been a fountain of excellent advice over the years I have known him. I 1st met him in 2002, and we have been friends since the initial meet.  However, the thing that stands out the most is how he relates to his grandchildren.  We have something that we all share, we are patriarchs of blended families; we have been married before. I, however, took it to an extreme with my four previous attempts that had ended for one reason or another that left me in a miserable state in 2006 when I prayed (in tears) for another chance. That prayer was answered with the family that calls me PAPI today.  He is an example to me of what I can be as a grandfather, and as a person.

D.R “The man that will never quit” He, M, B and I are the trio that refers to themselves as the “Irreverent Three” for the carpool we participated in during my time at Holloman AFB during my employment in my 2nd career as a computer tech. Where do I start with him?  Diagnosed with a severe illness before we really met his drive and fire allowed him to drive through his treatment returning to work months later, upon his return, he was just as productive as ever. His example that stands out is the love he has for his family and his family for him. Before he moved to his next employment location, we would have quarterly staff meetings for the Irreverent Three at a local restaurant.  This was an event where the spouses would attend, and we would laugh and reflect on the previous 4 months and have a ball with the stuff that had happened seeing it was amusing 4 months later.

Additionally, his trailer was the meetup the place before NMSU football games where libations and tailgate cuisine was consumed with gusto.  The strength of the bond between him and his wife TR is one of the strongest I have witnessed. They stick with each other like glue and always have each other’s backs. They live daily the admonition. “What God has joined together let no man put asunder” I’ve seen it in action, and it’s a beautiful thing to behold. Recently he has fallen ill with a similar malady as the 1st time, and through it all, he and his espoused are as steadfast as ever.

 R, M the Straight shooter. I have known RM for over 45 years. We literally spent summers elbow to elbow marching and making music until he departed for the ARMY in 1976. The exciting thing is that we had not seen each other in the intervening years until 2001 shortly before I retired from the USAF.  He knows 2 of my former spouses. That’s how far we go back.  We have some fascinating history, in 2005 I baptized him in the Gulf of Mexico after expressing his wish to be. When he visited me on his way to see his family, as I was strategically placed on his route home, he would stay and attend church with us. I have known his bride for just as long as I have known him. As we would be together every summer from 1974 until we aged out or moved on to the next adventure, marching and playing music. (that’s another story.) During that trip to beautiful Ft Walton Beach, FL.  We discussed the trials that he and his bride were going through as a result of a severe illness. After being told her news with a date stating when it would all end, I am proud to announce that she is still here keeping him and indirectly me in line especially when I found myself in an unsupervised state (divorced.)  My Wife WC and her hit it off, and they got along like sisters after only one meeting.  The only disappointment was that he departed from that lovely area (the Redneck Rivera) to Ft Leavenworth KS. Before you ask, he just works there, and I visited them there as well.  He owns property in the Sarasota area (Sunny Florida), and I have been informed that I am welcome to come to see him at any time. That is so happening. Recently we had a form of the last supper together. We last met during a TDY (Temporary Duty) in El Paso.   It was the last supper as it was about a week before my Gastric Bypass Surgery. Bout the straight shooter bit. I recently sold my Camaro and cleared several bills to become debt-free as I am planning to retire in the next few years. He wrote, and I quote.  “I see you have grown up and stopped driving your D##K around” I immediately called him and asked him. “Do you know why I love you brother, because you only have one pitch, not the curve, nor the slider, nor the off-speed. No, you throw straight HEAT, and it’s just how I hate it high and tight. I can rely on him always telling the truth (albeit) from his perspective.

H, P the Man of faith.  HP and I were at one point, attended the same church. I was on the ministry team which ended through my error of judgment, based on my anger (that’s for my memoirs) There was a point in time where there were difficult times for my brother. when he called, I opened the church so we could pray together for a resolution to the issue (which has been resolved) in a fantastic way.  During this period, he left for an assignment at another base, as he was on active duty a little longer than I. I traveled to his location more than once to encourage him.  I took a road trip to see him (with the new Camaro) for a trip to Dallas. We had some great food, great conversation, and perfect times.  I’ve gone to see him several times over the last few years, and it never gets old.  Whenever trouble appears, and we have our phone call, I would only ask one question when the subject comes up.  What did your mother say? You know we are of one mind on this, and you know what she would say.  Bout that resolution of his previous situation. The best analogy is to refer to the latter end of a JOB when he got all his stuff back with interest. My friend is a software developer, Ph.D. Candidate and an Instructor at an online university.   No matter the time we are apart, his counsel is valued. When I am in trouble spiritually, I call him.

 C, H. the Tenacious one. This man I have known since on or about 2002. His family are great people (as are all the rest of my 5) it was my pleasure to work with him during my time working at Holloman AFB NM. Now there is another person that gets mentioned with this association is R who works hand in hand with C, Hand is just as dedicated this is for him ROLL TIDE! Unbeknownst to me, I met his espoused at the end of my time on active duty during my last duty assignment. R's wife was the command administrative professional. The same thing goes for his family as well. I saw their kids grow up to be superb human beings.  What I remember about C, H her was there for me when I was about to make a big mistake. Not only did he step in to defuse this situation, but he also advised me of the error I was about to make saving my azz in the process.

When I lost a close friend at the beginning phases of a relationship, he was

there for me through my emotional mess, losing someone suddenly like that. As if that was not enough. He was the 1st person I introduced my current espoused to when I took her on one of our 1st dates. It wasn’t planned that way; However, when I entered the restaurant “Mimi’s café, our two became 4 at the table immediately. They were pleased with the prospect of me (the crazy divorced guy running wild) settling down with someone that I could take home to mother. Since mom and dad were watching from above, they were the next best thing. I will state that there were a lot of introductions during this period, but this is about the “5” I will write on the person that saved my bacon to keep me from living in my car in another tale of transition.  He (the devil) got me interested in putting holes in paper on the range and was generous to a fault.  He has had health challenges as of late, and when one of them put him in a hospital in Las Cruces, I left work in El Paso to let him know I had his back. Whenever I get a free evening, I try to go to Alamogordo and set up dinner with his family and talk a lot of stuff in the friendly way we do.

Honorable Mentions.

R, C, the Sage mentor.  I worked with R, C during my time at Bare Base at Holloman AFB from 1996 to the end of my time in the military. The truth is that I wanted to be like him when I grew up. Heck, I still do. He knew his job backward and forward, was a world traveler spending time in several locations (some hotspots) as a civilian worker.  Tropics, deserts, you name it he went there. Additionally, he has remained in excellent shape and staying tremendously healthy and fit even to this day. He has encouraged me to continue writing and gives me the inspiration to continue my growth as a person and a writer.  Every time we communicate, I learn something new.  I just recently (within the last 3 Years) found that we are really close to the same age.   To quote Anthony Hopkins in The Edge, “If one can do so can another”

S, D Give me liberty or give me death.  S, D was one of my 1st Sergeants that I remain friends with to this day. Totally down to earth there is no sugarcoating, there are no apologies, and there is no room for anyone that doubts his dedication to the republic for which it stands. When he takes a stand on principle it without reservation or apology, It’s been too long since we have sat down for lunch. His tenacity for the truth is what I respect in him.  I will tell a joke that he said at my retirement luncheon.  “When Sergeant Crawford joined the military there were only two Major commands…. Mount and dismount.  Much respect S, D

              J.C  "Sensi" and I met in 1996 during the drawdown in my career.  I had significant anxiety about my coming career change, as though I loved my career field, I longed for a change becoming an IT professional. He was already there. We met as coaches of little league football teams. He was an IT contractor for the Base Hospital.  I asked him what do I need to do to be a computer professional. He actually laid out a plan for getting this done before my retirement in 2001. I actually followed those plans, and I had the pleasure of seeing him on the interview board when I interviewed for the position I currently hold.  He, in fact, works down the hall from me to this day.

His Strengths are his tenacity and resolve. When he tackles a problem, he stays with it until its either found impossible or corrects it.  Another one of his strengths is his compassion and dedication, which he possesses in greater quantities than anyone I have ever known.   He is devoted to his family no matter what. And through the trials “that were intense,” he came through each of them. With his integrity intact. I have a point where I will go dark on someone with problems that they refuse to deal with or correct, but he never does. He remains steadfast throughout.  He is gracious to those not deserving of grace. Lets things develop to the point where it is evident that its time to move on, but stays a little longer. He is a man of GOD. Constantly reading the word and refreshing his soul from it. For those reasons, he should be on my list, and I could not leave him and the other Honorable mentions not noted. That would be unfair and inaccurate to not include them as my story is incomplete without them.

The Two Most Dangerous words in the world

I Feel

The two most dangerous words in the world

 The statement "feel" is usually followed in many cases by something totally unprovable.

  Let me add the dictionary definition of  Unprovable = “unable to be demonstrated by evidence or argument as true or existing."

The weirdest thing I’ve heard was a demonstrator in some political rally saying, “You don’t understand feelings are facts.” That’s a significant reason that I don’t watch the news; I do not suffer fools well.  I try to get along with everyone, I will mostly not say much, however, when someone feels so strongly as to get their emotions involved and resorting to a possible escalation to violence. That’s where I draw the line.  This is a fact. Binary numbers are represented as ones and zeroes. I don’t feel that way there is an entire school of mathematics that is dedicated to exploring that fact. In case one is wondering its Boolean Mathematics. The weirdest thing someone told me in person is that they feel there are multiple genders. Now I personally have no problem with anyone living however they desire. The truth, as explained by the comedian DL Hugley who said." I don’t care how a person lives if it’s a genetic male sooner or later a doctor will be inserting a finger up their butt for a prostate exam." They can come dressed to the nines it doesn’t matter there is only XX, XY and that is fact, not a feeling.  That being said I do not aspire to the thoughts expressed in Canada that people should be executed for living in the way they choose and not as stated in this holy book, or should be arrested as promoted by some preacher to his flock somewhere In the United States. How someone chooses to live their lives is between them and the Almighty. The ironic thing that one group, in particular, ignores one of these groups and condemns the other but that’s another story.  I’m cool with anyone with the following caveat “Do not try to harm or hurt me or mine as I get a little protective of my life and the lives of my family.

I don’t think I told you, but after 5 years of struggling with myself and who I am, I feel (yes, I said it) that I can consider myself a practicing stoic.  I won’t get off on a tangent and describe what that is, but the gist of it is I am in control of what I say think and do. My heroes in that philosophy are Socrates, Marcus Aurelius’ and Epictetus.   Meditations by Marcus Aurelius is excellent reading.   I have to deal with what IS not what one wishes it to be. I have an example it was The feeling in scientific circles that the earth was the center of the universe, and anyone that did not ascribe to that teaching was a heretic, and subject of punishment in this world and the next. Nicolaus Copernicus did not attribute to that thesis and proposed that the sun is the center of the universe, and spent his life as a mathematician. He has since then been proven correct.

There are whole industries that want to make the public feel a certain way.  Politics, Religion and Park Avenue are vying for the hearts and minds of the populous. I believe that to promote an agenda grabbing the heart has been successful from stealing ancient lands exterminating entire populations and selling a bar of soap.  You know “wonder bread builds strong bodies in (how many ways again) The most dangerous thing other than throwing people off tall buildings because of who they fell in love with.  Is that in that arena where the “truth” gets obscured by the smoke of emotion? But the Lie moves forward carrying away the trusting unknowing that would say, “why would they lie to me.”  Joseph Goebbels once said. If you repeat a lie long enough, it will be accepted as the truth.

Remember the yellow cake uranium that wasn’t there in Iraq    http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/07/07/iraq.uranium/   Snopes states that are wasn’t or isn’t true. We find ourselves in corundum these two sources are opposed to each other. I guess one can go to Canada and look for one’s self, but both of these sources cannot, by definition, be true.  One of these is spun by a former administration and the other Turned by a fact check site.  As for me it’s easy I don’t believe anyone, and since I can’t control or manipulate it, I don’t care.  What I care about is treating people based on the content of their character and let people live their lives the way they want while allowing me to do the same.

Anyone remember how hard it was to get a credit card way back then. These days they are handing them out like candy just go to any university orientation and get a card and a free T-shirt. Ah, the truth is that anyone that has not learned how money works will get stuff in large quantities because how it makes them (here it comes again) feel. How about that new car smell intoxicating, isn’t it? I have heard its siren song as well I am just as guilty as the next person. In buying a car because I felt a certain way.  Now I have to confess something I was in love. I was head over heels in love with my 2013 Red Camaro. I loved the acceleration, the power, how it hugged the curves, and how it looked. Then one day, I made a business decision. I sold it and paid off 4 Credit accts. Now in the twilight of my years, I have learned a truth. I have to keep working to accomplish the goals that I established for my family. Now if I was working with the people, I worked with before 2012 that would not be too bad (fun even) I, however, work in an atmosphere that is at times toxic and at others just wearisome.  I, yet, like what I do for a living and I like my userbase for the most part.  In both cases, Higher Headquarters is the source of my frustration. Their ability to ready fire aim and unerringly hit themselves in the foot is uncanny.

So, when you hear the “I feel.” Just think for a moment or even watching the evening news. On the rare times that I listen to the story, I often ask this question. I believe everyone should ask themselves this question after every Salesman Congressman, Senator and President of every stripe and everyone in authority in one way or Another speaks. That question is 

                                     I WONDER IF THAT IS TRUE!!!!

 Thanks for Helping me with this writing exercise; it means a lot to get constructive feedback. In my quest to becoming a writer.

Gambling as a profession

Gambling

I have just got off the phone with a professional gambler. She, is one of my three of my daughters that have at one time, have are or have been professional gamblers. I know this seems a little off, or a little strange that three of my family members are or were at one-point gambling for money. It, however, is 100% true that gambling was their profession.  They routinely had to anticipate the needs of the rest of the people at the table, have a professional, yet pleasant demeanor putting it all on the line for the feedback of the persons at the table.  That feedback is in the form of the tip left after the meal is completed. You see, my daughters were professional gamblers as they make less than $2 bucks per hour with the hope of it becoming $300 or more at the end of their shifts.  The gamble is while summoning all the charm and professionalism she can muster that it would be sufficient to receive a tip commensurate to the level of effort made to make sure that evenings dining experience was enjoyable and memorable Make no mistake this is not for the fun of it as sometimes it can be fun, but it is the way of doing business in a businesslike manner. 

  

     My Daughters have always been hard workers all 3 daughters that are here have worked waitressing. Seeing they gave birth to my legacy and are at present nurturing them to become adults, all 10 of them have different personalities and habits.  Their well-being and happiness is and was based on at some point, her prowess as a gambler.  I tip regularly and generously.  The amount is flexible based on the level of service, and that is totally up to you. I recently attended my daughter’s graduation from Tulane University with her master’s degree in social work.  After graduation, we went to the restaurant where she worked. Houston’s in New Orleans. It was a high-end restaurant. I usually tip with cash when I am in a high scale restaurant, as I want to reward the staff (the gamblers) for their effort and work. I do not wish to reward the state or federal government for their work that’s between the wait staff and them as I stay out of it.  In this case, I forgot to get cash for the tip the dinner was close to $250 which meant with my method of calculating 20% was doubling the cost of the meal then moving the decimal point to the left. Which was about 50 bucks. I went across the street at the Walgreen’s and hit the teller machine and took out about 150 dollars.  The manager was at the table and surprised me when he told me, “Sir, your daughter is a delight to work for, and she has worked very hard here and is respected by her co-workers. We are comping the meal. After my mouth closed. I thanked the manager, and when the waiter came back, I shook his hand and gave him $60. You see, the meal was comped, not the immaculate service.  I had no problem giving money when a job was well done.  In this case, it absolutely was.  There is a reputation that follows Christians that reputation is that they are cheap. I will not state this as a fact. However, since the thought is ubiquitous in its widespread acceptance, I will accept the truth of it in some quarters of society. So between 11AM and 1PM on any given Sunday there will be somewhere in the viewing of this article 6-15 people at a given restaurant with the chairs rearranged to accommodate the group (and their children)  have a meal for everyone then leave a tip that is in the least embarrassing to me to even comprehend.  If it was my daughter, and while they were college, it was my daughter. I would want to slap the taste out of the mouths of every adult. If they were clergy, they would get the change to turn the other cheek as I would want to slap them twice.

I will however not leave a generous tip to anyone in the wait staff that ignores my family and me while in the case I am thinking of trying to get the attention of a young man (he was handsome) while ignoring my requests for more water. It also was telling that someone else had to serve the meal while they tried to get her dance card filled. I don’t remember the amount of the meal, but I do remember the tip was nowhere close to my usual 20%

            I Have family members (I use that term loosely) that have not come to the revelation as of yet that rewarding excellent service is good policy. They are

moving at their own pace in their journey of the spiritual growth area, so I don’t speak of it unless it’s with my wife in private.

            Remember these people when you sit down for a meal. They are sons and daughters, fathers and moms and are trying their best to make ends meet just like we are. You see a little grace can go a long way.  That reminds me of a story of my younger years, I used to drink copious amounts of alcohol when I was a young airman. I used to give a preemptive tip. I’d walk up to the bar and get the attention of the bartender and say. I am here to do business. I would love to do business with you. In that regard, I would like to present you with this $10 bill as a sign of my good faith. I would like a Gin and grapefruit.  Needless to say, I needed a taxi ride home more than once. It wasn’t for me at the fact was that my car got drunk, but, I still needed to get back to the barracks.  I no longer drink, but the sentiment is absolutely the same. By rewarding excellent service, it has a positive effect on the evening.  For the servers and those being served.

The Next Step

The next step   

Well, I got started in the next phase of the I want to live, as I’m not planning on dying any time soon program.   Changed the weekend alarm to 6 AM. Got up and went to the GYM. As some of you know, I renewed my Gym membership sometime last week. Well, it was interesting comedic but interesting. You all know the saying “The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” That’s kind of what happened.  I went to elliptical machines and put my weight and age in the computer and started working out. I set a goal of 20 mins the 1^st Time out.  Then it happened.  The Following is a public service announcement DO NOT under any circumstances play Sirius XM 80’s workout while doing cardio if you are recovering from all the Shiznet I experienced over the last 3 years.  I was not feeling bad. I was kind of energized at 1^st. However, the machine kept sending warnings “YOU ARE EXCEEDING THE RECOMMENDED HEART RATE SLOW DOWN” How can I do that? The Pointer Sisters were blowing Neutron dance I was just keeping up. Then Thomas Dolby’s Blinding them with Science came on. Then Rod Stewarts Young hearts started. Then next time I knew I’m watching flashing warnings stating in essence “YOU OLD MF SLOW YO AZZ DOWN” the 20 mins was almost over so said just go on and finish.

                        Then I knocked 3 triceps exercises the 1^st With dumbbells (not the one sitting on the bench) the 2 10 Pounders from the rack. Basically, the one when one sits upright keeping the elbow next to one’s head then extending the arm over the head. 2^nd triceps pulldowns on the cable machine and finally the one with the machine behind me and bending over and extending the arms working the triceps. It was not too bad even though I could feel it in the right places. The technique was much more important than weight. Washed the Santa Fe bought coffee for Wanda and I and now here I am finishing my blog entry for today.  

I have made myself accountable for what I have planned for tomorrow. Told a couple of friends that I respect and the universe (The internet) That I will be getting up tomorrow and heading to worship.   It's amazing what happens when one accepts the concept that a ‘Dead Man Walking” no longer applies to them.

 Whoda thunk it? Body Mind Spirit what a concept!

Wrong again

I Was Really wrong this time Pt2

This one is going to sting a bit. The good thing is that I did not run my mouth. I exercised the right to remain silent which was an excellent thing. It took a day or so, but I finally had my OH-DUH moment.  But 1^st Something about my self-talk this is how it happens. On the outside its completely silent, oh but on the inside, there is some severe AZZ chewing going on with two individual components. 1. my 17-year-old self. Being totally about what he wants and wanting it now. And the voice of reason My Father. Let us relive a conversation that took place in the 1970’s late spring. I remember that it was not summer as I was routinely out of town from June to August marching in my Drum Corps.  VK all the way!!! (inside knowledge required I apologize) I made a request (that’s BS) a demand of my Dad. Who looked at me like I had lost my mind (because I did) and said NO! Now if I withdrew my request and apologized it would have ended there.  Those of you that know me know full well that I could not let it just lie there. I slid all my chips in (like I had cards to play) and doubled down on stupid.  Dad said, “son go into my bedroom and get the strong box from under the bed, and give it to me.” I was confused but complied. I got the box handed it to my dad who opened it and pulled out this document it was the mortgage or the bank letter stating that Eugene Oliver Crawford was the principal on the loan, and was responsible for

making the payments on the home we lived in.  He asked “do you see your name anywhere on this document” I delayed my answer and got a resounding “ANSWER ME BOY!!!” I said (in this tiny voice) No sir.  He continued “I pay the note on this MF, not a GD thing happens there without my permission. Now I don’t have to give you anything but love a roof over your head and food in your narrow Azz and clothes on your back. Don’t bring this I need BS in this conversation, but I got your needs covered and seeing you are leaving town for 3 months to get on a bus to go across the country playing that horn (pointing to the Baritone case on the floor) I think some of your wants are covered too. You need to learn to approach me with some respect and gratitude and you just might get a request, or two met.   I learned a year later he took extra shifts to actually pay for me to live in the Dorm in college. Ok, that what happened way back then. Well, my dad came back to talk to me last week. Not in the flesh but in another episode of Manny’s self-talk.   I had just sold my Camaro (moment of silence) A car that I loved for funds to pay some bills, as I am preparing to see this home and to buy another in the area. I’m comfortable in Las Cruces and intend to stay here for a while I requested another car loan this time for 10K as opposed to 32K so I can double up on payments to get it paid off quicker. My wife, my pearl of great price said we need a pickup truck preferably a quad cab in the 2004-2007 range for hauling stuff around. She said I'll need it to haul the boys around town as well.  OH, OH. Here is where my EGO raised its ugly head. Please note what happens after this is my internal discussion with my 17-year-old persona and the voice of reason and wisdom which was my dad. The 17-year-old spoke and said. Woman who the F are you to tell me what we are going to buy or not to buy. I did not finish this thought before the voice of my dad showed up and said loudly and clearly. “What In the F are you thinking? That is your wife. I thought you were trying to stay married this time. You remember that whining and crying when that woman you send back to the states came back to Okinawa married to the other guy you know your friend that was hitting it while you were out of town. You remember asking the Almighty for one more chance to be a dad that last time when you totally f''d up the chance you had. I know it wasn’t totally on you, but you took the cowards way out with the way you ended it like a sniveling BITCH!!”

“Look I know you are mad about selling the Camaro, but you said it was a business decision, and it was. So how is this her fault?  No SON you are wrong, and this is why. What’s that in the driveway? A 2017 Hyundai Santa Fe that you bought for her, and she is giving it to you for a pickup truck that is not even close to being new.  Finally, are you saying this used roller skate with a bed is your ultimate expression of your driving pleasure?  You are selling the house. Your friend from California told you because you are an old fart you can keep the proceeds, and it is not capital gains and not put in in the new home.  Ya think that you might take a piece of the proceeds and get something like a 2018 Lexus and pay cash for it?  Son, you are a certified idiot” …

Now that day I’m sitting at my desk at lunch sipping my soup, and with tears rolling down my face I am ashamed of how idiotic I was for a moment.  This conversation took place in total silence to anyone looking at me because it was totally inside my head.  I knew I had to come clean to the entire universe and admit my selfishness.  Now today was a good day I got some stuff done. Transferred the pre-paid car washes to the Hyundai renewed my Gym membership and got a lovely haircut.  What I did not do was take my bride my pearl of great price out looking for that new old truck.  That wasn’t my fault duty called at work, and I was logged on to my server from the house for hours picking up the pieces from a power failure at work.  Yes, I’m putting in for the OT I need the dough. Papi has bills to pay…

I WAS WRONG PART 1

             I WAS WRONG!!! Pt1

Boy, I have deemed myself an idiot this week. My self-talk Totally sucked. I jumped to conclusions because my attitude was miserable. I read a post. Not true I read the header of an article, and because I was mad (at something going on at work) I shot off my mouth(fingers) and hit send. On the other end was a friend that I respected but had an investment in the topic. There was an emotional component that I did not consider; which wasn’t hard seeing I did not recognize anyone but my own preconceived notions. I apologized when I discovered what I had done but, now I feel terrible about it. What will I do to do better? Well, 1^st of all do better!!! I have to consider the possible ramifications of me just running wild when I am in sarcasm mode. With the knowledge of I am responsible for what I say think, or write.  I am not a troll I, however, am full of sarcasm but that has to be tempered with the knowledge that there is a thinking, feeling human being sitting in front of their computer screen. I tend to not care intensely what others think I do however have to treat others with respect. Which this week in this and another instance have failed miserably.  I’m sorry KR

Sadness

Sadness

Sometimes there is not enough time. I am in mourning for a person that had a pivotal role in my ability to grow into an adult human being. She is not the only one but, she and her husband were lights in one of my darkest hours. The year was 1980-81 I had been just let go from a job. Soroc Technologies. We made dumb terminals which connected to mainframes. I started in assembly and advanced to hot-test and shipping then I was shipped out to my next adventure (I just didn’t see it that way. I, in fact, had a good friend that worked there that I would love to find again. John Gagnon. We used to go to the old Woody Allen movies and quote the lines all the time. Sorry for the shout-out. I was out on the bricks was staying with my roommates, and since I could not do the rent anymore, I was out of there. I had a friend (Hell still have a friend) Mark that asked his parents if I could move in temporarily until I could get on my feet. We were in a WWII reenactment group that I was exposed to because I was a friend to a curator of a military museum. Yes, there are pictures out there of me in a WWII uniform firing blanks at people in German uniforms. Hell, we did a half-time show. Where I got to shoot a .50 cal from a WWII vintage tank.  There is a picture of me in a WWII jeep at a reenactment dance where I wore pinks and greens. I even took Jitterbug lessons so I could fit into the atmosphere.

            Edith and Grant took me into their home and treated me like family including some sage advice these were some of the kindest people I have met. I will state for the record that this was my blessing from above I have had a series of families that were kind to this knucklehead from south central. That’s another really long story; needless to say, an interesting one.  I had a decision to make. I walked into the Recruiting office in Orange California in the late summer of 1980 and went to the AF recruiter I joined the USAF delayed enlistment entering April 28, 1981.

My 1^st mistake. I should have paid Grant and Edith in advance for the rent they charged for me to be there, as it was very reasonable. Which meant when my dumb butt realized it, I had to get a job. I worked doing temp office work (a strategic decision) as I found office work was good for my dating life.  (another story that will remain untold)

            It was at this time the value of my time with them was made evident. From them, I received some sage advice, and I can point to every time that advice was correct during my time serving in the U.S.A.F.  I was told beware of the guy that wants someone to pay for a round but hesitated reach in their own pocket to buy one. Identified that one right away and lifted a glass to Grant. I just remember seeing a down to earth family going to church, being active in the community and people namely Marc and Carol that are now my brother and sister. Oh, I have plenty of brothers and sisters out there that I have acquired since I was a teenager in So Central LA that I am still in contact with to this day.  Grant was called home to be with the Lord while I was overseas, I did and continue to miss him. Talk about someone that walked it like they talked it.  That was him.  I recently within the last 2 years regained contact with the rest of the family. This was due to the phenomenon of Social Media in particular and Facebook in general. I'm seeing kids, grandkids foreign adventures, and was glad to be in contact with them again.
We exchanged numbers and we call regularly. Edith asked me to come to see her. I unfortunately due to illness and finances was unable to go back to California to see her again. As you see on the 1^st day of spring this year surrounded by family laughing and enjoying each other Edith quietly passed from this existence to the next.  The feelings of grief, sadness and the shame of not being able to come back to California for a visit have deeply affected me.  Now the aftermath and the legal implications of the final disposition of Edith’s final wishes have to be fulfilled. The only thing that I can add to this is that through the years I have seen strange things happen during this tragic time in a family. I started my journey that led to being a part of their family began earlier in 1980 when my mother passed away suddenly. To my California family, you have a cohesive unit full of love and compassion as it is in your DNA, as I had the honor of knowing your mom and dad.  Every time we talked since then it was and is like going home, as you all sound the same. Remember you have each other to carry you through to the rest of your time here on earth. Kids, grandkids sons and daughters and in-laws are looking to you for leadership as you are approaching the top of the pyramid. You have a unique position of leadership that can not be dismissed or devalued.  The adhesive that holds your family together is strong and can withstand the winds of difficulty and change, I know its strong because I know where it came from. Be good to each other because we are are not isolated islands in a stream. we need each other to make it through another day. I have had a recent drought in my writing as of late. Your family has inspired me to continue to do that as I use it to let what I have bottled up to be released into the atmosphere. To do so is to release something eternal into the universe. We as people need to keep the vision our eyes up and aware making sure our loved ones are protected from things from the outside that could do us harm.  Mistakes happen, heck stuff happens every day.

Be Excellent to each other.