Anger

I must give credit to the Origonal writer Lori Taylor of Pick the brain.com from whom  I have recieved permission to repost... this touched me and refocused my efforts...

I thought it important to post it as I am going through something at present...




Anger. It’s hard to live with, harder to live without, right?
I agree.
Whether you are confrontational or passive aggressive, no matter how you handle anger, you and everyone around you is affected by your anger.
Some people will give you techniques to “manage” it. Others will teach you how to “get rid” of it. I’m sure you’ve even adopted a few homegrown ways to “avoid” it.

I don’t know about you, but none one of those approaches worked well for me.
The more I avoided anger, the more it showed up like a bad cold. It never seemed to never go away and there was no vaccine in sight. In between dreading it and trying to outrun it, I tried talking me “off the angry ledge”, as if I could reason with it – that was a joke.
At one point I even tried analyzing it, believing if I could know WHY it was there, it would dissipate. But that failed too.

The more I focused on anger the more it seemed to come.
Is anger a driving force in your life?
To find out, answer these 8 statements from Mental Health to see if any ring true for you.
1. I don’t show my anger about everything that makes me mad, but when I do – look out.
2. I still get angry when I think of the bad things people did to me in the past.
3. I sometimes lie awake at night and think about the things that upset me during the day.
4. I find it very hard to forgive someone who has done me wrong.
5. I get angry with myself when I lose control of my emotions.
6. After arguing with someone, I hate myself.
7. People really irritate me when they don’t behave the way they should, or when they act like they don’t have the good sense of a head of lettuce.
8. When I get angry, frustrated or hurt, I comfort myself by eating or using alcohol or other drugs.
If you answered “true” to any of them – congrats – you’re human!
If you found #1, #5, #6 or #8 to be true, you tend to like to make YOU wrong when you get angry. If any of the rest were true for you, you’re making EVERYONE ELSE wrong when you get angry.
Regardless who takes the beating for your temper tantrum, you should know it’s all normal - you’re alive!
What isn’t normal is letting anger take over your life. No matter how good it feels at the time, even if you’ve been really “wronged”, it isn’t serving you.
But it could…
What if you became aware of your anger and didn’t resist it?
Trying to suppress your anger, or push it under the carpet to “keep the peace” is just delaying the inevitable. If you do react, and end up feeling guilty or even worse angry with yourself, you’re telling YOU your feelings don’t matter. (You might even be telling yourself it’s not ok to be angry.)
How are these techniques working out for you?
How would you feel if I met you, shook your hand, looked you in the eye and simply said, “Let’s get one thing straight, we can only hang out if your emotions never impact my day because I don’t have time for hurt feelings and drama on either side.” (Not good, I bet)
The sad thing is, I don’t need to tell you anything, because you’re doing enough damage on your own!
Every time you ignore your emotions, YOU’RE the one confirming YOU don’t matter.
Even if someone comes out and says, “You don’t matter”, it means nothing unless you believe them. No one can steal your power – you choose to give it away; even trying to ignore it or resist it is futile – it’s just a matter of time until it surfaces.
Trying to resist anger by ignoring it is like starving and not eating despite the fact there’s a plate of food right in front of you. The more you focus on your hunger, the hungrier you usually get. Even if you’re able to ignore you’re hunger for a while, it will still be there later. (You might even be even hungrier, right??)
Why would being angry be any different than being hungry?
You can use anger to see what is really happening, acknowledge it, and be grateful for the opportunity to clear the block you already had. Accepting the situation “as is” and finding the common trigger for the situations you’re holding onto will give you clarity to see the lesson you keep bringing to yourself.
Put a different meaning to this “lesson” anger is bringing to you. It’s just doing its job – trying to get you to pay attention!
Any person who evokes any emotion, “good” or “bad”, should be seen as an angel who is trying to help you see the truth. Your alleged enemies, the job you hate, or the verbally abusive relationship you might be in are just your way of bringing to you the emotions you require to experience in order to grow.
You are powerful.
You are loved.
And no one has the power to make you feel or be anything you don’t want to experience.
Stop resisting emotions like anger or sadness and accept you need them to experience growth. Through a higher sense of awareness you can give them the space to come and go which will give you a feeling of incredible freedom – finally knowing there is nothing for you to “do” or “change” or “solve”!
Implement this one tiny shift towards the meaning you place on your emotions to start feeling OUTRAGEOUSLY delicious!

The moving sidewalk

I have been dealing with something for a long while. It's not a bad thing, but it was a life-changing experience. It changed my life from one that was moved and swayed by things like politics, the news, and external events. It changed to things more internal and, to be more lasting. It would seem that life, motivations, and things have more substantial effects on my life. It was this simple thought. Life is a moving sidewalk... 

           For you special people that have flown Delta Airlines and traversed the USA, you have stopped at one time or another in ATL or Atlanta or Hotlanta, as some of my friends have called it from time to time. It has Very long` moving sidewalks... I don't know when it hit me exactly, but it was about 18 months ago I made the rigid connection between that moving sidewalk and my life. That is the impetus for the massive change in my life... It wasn't overnight, but it led directly to my change in job, marriage, and my new family status. It started with the dissatisfaction of now I was living. I wanted something lasting, and the way I was living my life was not conducive to that kind of activity. I thought of what I was doing and how it was perceived (mainly by me)

    In my work life, I was doing something much like marking time in my life. I could do most of that job and not think about it. It paid very well, but deep down, I felt like it was not recognized for what it was. It was an IT position that required IT knowledge, but it was not recognized as an IT position... It at 1st upset me, but I realized it was the way it would be, and any anger and stress in my life were not going to fix it.


            In my personal life, I saw a situation I could not change. What I was doing was fun, but it would lead anywhere I wanted to go. So it changed as well. The hard part was the change. It was safe and fun, but my personality was not well suited to that life. I have a part of my heart that I cannot turn off like a switch and that life requires that I do not engage my heart in concert with my emotions. It was mainly mechanical… don't get me wrong, I have great friends and people I met through that time, and it wasn't them. It was me that could not deal with it. Back when I initially moved out of my home when my last situation ended, the most challenging part of dating was seeing the door closing and me still being alone in my apartment, room, or house. That went on for the better part of six years. It got worse as the days, weeks, and years passed.

 If I have to put a date on the initial planting of the seed of this life-changing moment, it would have to be July 9, 2009, when I lost a perfect friend. It was a Monday. I found my sister from another mister she had passed from this life to the next. Her transit on the moving sidewalk was over, as she had reached the transit point to the next life. The thing that gave me satisfaction and peace was knowing that there was nothing left unsaid between us. She, in fact, just put a bid on a beautiful house just that Friday. It was a happy moment, and with another friend, we parted with a hug, a sincere I love you, sis, and I saw her last driving away waving and smiling.

That Monday was hard. I was gone for the weekend. I felt guilty I wasn't there for her when she most needed me, but how did I know? How could I know? That's the hard truth; we never know when our ride on the moving sidewalk is over.

             I went on after my grief, not knowing what was growing inside me. I wanted something, just didn't know what, and I reached out for something, but it was something I wanted to change because of it, but I found myself adjusting to accept it, and it was in a direction that I deep down did not wish to for a lifetime. You see, you can't externally change anyone. To paraphrase a famous coach, "They are who you think they are."   You see, change comes from inside, not outside. My shift was starting to take root, and it affected my personal and professional life. That process takes years to complete, and I don't think we ever really do end it entirely.

             I was told the two people in relationships make two typical mistakes the man thinks the woman won't change, and the woman thinks the man will. (That one is for free) This time was primarily spent doing what I was doing and not being happy. I didn't trust anyone. Everyone's motives were suspect. I looked for a flaw, and I usually found it. I projected a self-fulfilling prophecy on others, and the truth was it as easy as most provided the information that would confirm my suspicions quite readily. I saw situations and people that I envisioned myself being a part of, but some mitigating circumstances would worsen. It happened more than once. It's terrible to invest feelings into a situation that practically you know without a doubt will end poorly. I could not move further down that road as I wouldn't tell someone what to do, get into their family issues, or otherwise try to change something that I had no business getting into…  In case any of you are looking for details that ain't happening.


            Professionally I relaxed as it was what it was and unless I would make a situation for myself. I just needed to keep my head down and ride the tide. When I relaxed and chilled, and basically matured like that cheese in the cheeseit commercial. When I was ready, the change came upon me totally unexpectedly. I got a phone call from a mentor; he was the person 14 years earlier who laid out the blueprint for my career change from a Generator Mechanic/electrician to a computer person, a geek, if you will. He told me of a position at my present place of employment that was coming open, and if I wanted a shot, throw my hat in the ring and see what happens. I was promised nothing other than the shot to compete. I wanted nothing else but an opportunity. I felt like it was a chance, just a chance to be a legitimate computer person in a recognized career field instead of being listed as a computer, clerk, and assistant. I am a realist, and I understand why it was that way; the truth of the answer to that situation is the same answer that I give in reply "It's business, not personal." They had their way of doing things, and it was above the pay grades of all my immediate leadership, and it was not anytime soon going to change, and I understood that. I, however, had the option for the 1^st time to get a shot at something else. Once again, it was business and not personal. Heck, I miss my people every day a day does not pass when I think of them, and when it gets unbearable, I shoot an email or, if I'm fortunate a call.


            I used to get wrapped around the axle about politics; I don't anymore. I do care, but I will not expend energy on things I can't control. I have beliefs that are primarily conservative/libertarian, but that's for me. I do have a problem with short memories. I will give you an example I don't like war, and I'd rather not see it happen. However, I know how mankind has found its way to have one constantly from (at least) 2500BC to the present. On this moving sidewalk, history didn't start when you were introduced to it by your parents; the sidewalk has been moving since the words LET THERE BE LIGHT were uttered eons ago. I know who was on what side at times past. Historical side notes: When the Germans invaded Poland from the west, the Russians invaded from the east as they had a deal splitting the country in half in 1939. That deal ended in 1941 when the Germans invaded Russia. As a student of history, some things may seem new, but they are ancient indeed. I'm leaving it at that. I will say that conservatives do what conservatives do, progressives do what they always do, and I can tell the difference for myself, and sometimes there is common ground. I don't get wrapped around the axle about it anymore. I ain't got time for the anger, frustration, or anything else. I have things that require my immediate attention. I have 8 grandkids, a wife, daughters, natural and otherwise, a challenging job, and folks that look at me for direction.   I am incredibly proud of my children and grandchildren. I agree with DL Hugley when he says, "A boy can't be a man until he sees a man." I got stuff on my plate, and I will deal with the things I can influence and change and BUMP the rest.



             I used to gauge my day by the feedback of others. I don't think any more people are inconsistent and can change from the hour or the minute. I see this all the time, professionally and personally. I can't gauge my day on how a boss, wife, or co-worker is doing at any particular moment. That is a recipe for being upset regularly. I see self-centered, petty, controlling, and out-of-control people. I also see those in tremendous amounts of stress making the best of it every day. The solution for my journey on the moving sidewalk of life is to be the best Manny I can be, allow myself to make a mistake, be scared, but never think this is the end of life as we know it. If the Mayans are correct, you need to love yourself and your loved ones even more than you know… if the Mayans are wrong, the same thing applies. Because it doesn't matter as you don't control it.   Will Israel attack Iran, I don't know, and I don't care because I can't control it. Who will win the nomination? I care a little because it affects how I will vote, but it really doesn't matter at all at Casa Del Crawdad on Patagonia drive. My goals are to get out of the majority of my debt before January 21, 2013. That can be preempted by the Mayans or Nostradamus, but I can't worry about that.    Because when your exit comes up on the moving sidewalk, it's over, and nothing can change that. I just hope that when my family continues on their journey, they remember what I have said, just like the way sometimes when I least expect it, I open my mouth. My father's words come out for instruction, motivation, discipline, or a good laugh. That way, I will still live in a small way with them as my father lives with me.

FEAR IS THE MIND KILLER

Fear is the Mind-Killer

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

 Bene Gesserit Litany against Fear.

This is the premise the phrase that is the thought behind this dissertation…

1^st a little about me, I will let you all know my weakness, my Achilles heel. It is total abject Anger and Rage. I will tell you my fears; I fear success, and failure.

Knowing this I will state for the record that I am a total CONTROL FREAK!!! I however do not have the need to control others. I have an intense/consuming need to control I myself starting with my emotions. I have a dread and intense fear of heights.  I don’t want to even be on a ladder, but for 20 years I found myself in or on the following objects 100,000 gallon fuel tanks, worked in bucket trucks and ran category 5 cables over the top of a 15 ton overhead crane (warehouse size).  It was my job it was something that had to be done and a fear that had to be overcome.  That being said……

My pet peeve (the one relevant to this discussion) is TOTAL ABJECT MINDNUMBING FEAR!!!  It causes a visceral reaction that triggers in me anger and rage, but being the control freak I try to throttle down my own emotions, as they can be intimidating to others.   When I talk about fear I’m not talking about fears like drowning, dangerous animals and fish. Those are healthy fears.  I’m talking of the fear of things that do not have any capacity to harm anyone; bringing total panic (the jumping up and down screaming wildly panic.)   This is why; how can you control others when you (as an adult) you cannot control yourself. 

Personally I survey my environment especially when driving home from work. I try to think “what if” with the cars around me to have a preplanned course of action when or if the stuff hits the fan.  Back to fear.  With this being my pet peeve let me tell you what I cherish, and value most that is COURAGE.  The ability to work effectively when faced with the prospect of imminent harm to one’s self or ones loved ones.  The character i admire most in the movie saving Private Ryan was the sniper.”  Blessed be the LORD my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight”  The least favorite character was the TOTAL COWARD that let his buddy get run through with his own bayonet by a German soldier and stood passively by when that soldier came back down the stairs.  I felt this emotion coming up from my core I wanted to beat him with my bare hands. I can’t watch that movie again because that feeling I get in that scene is so overwhelming.  

For me (unwarranted) fear is something to me that is so repugnant that I have to mentally take control of myself and throttle myself.  I have to accept others in their paths in life or it would consume me… When I get that way I have to do something constructive of a physical nature, as it is difficult to be angry and tired at the same time.

Now I have used fear in the past to control others. I have 2 examples one of fear and one of the overcoming of fear (It worked like a champ both times) There was a football game years ago (more like decades) I was coaching 10-12 year olds and we got down 14-0 in the 2^nd quarter  they ran the option and ran it well.  I thought of a interesting solution it was called assignment football, as it would work at that level.  Got the defense together told them starting with the Defensive Ends.  If the QB comes your way running the option CLOCK HIM whether he has the ball or not just hit him. I read the rule to the defense concerning people simulating having the ball to prove it, as I kept a rulebook in my pocket at all times. Gentlemen I mean hit him and let his ancient forefathers feel it. Do it legal and HARD!!! To the Linebackers, if the ball comes your side tackle the Fullback (period) the offside linebacker pursue and hit the 1^st person in an odd colored jersey turning the corner to the tackles make contact with the tackle/guard and 1^st disrupt the guard as he wants to block the onside backer and then penetrate if you can’t make the play make a mess.  Corners you have the pitchman (period) you can bust him and knock him down if he is behind the line of scrimmage and he will pitch the ball to no one. Safeties you have everything else because they might pass so cover pass 1^st run 2^nd. Now with those instructions, we went to work. Pitch came WHAM QB on his butt   pitchman dropped for a loss (I’m smiling now) it went on like that with mixed results but they didn’t make the 1^st down so we got the ball back. We finally scored on a broken play (I’ll take it). So it ended at 14-7 at the half.   Reinforced what I told them at the break and the kids were excited.  They got the ball 1^st in the 2^nd half they kept running it and didn’t catch on to what I was doing. WHAM, WHAM, WHAM the QB was now having a bad day. Then it happened, he faked it tried to turn the corner and the end got his facemask on the football and fumbled. The linebacker scooped it up (he shoulda fell on it) and its now 14-14. Both teams fought to a stalemate to the 4^th quarter then I noticed something. The QB looked Play-side when the option was called and his hands were visibly shaking.  The middle backer saw it too.  I called Time out. (Should not have but it seemed like a good idea at the time)I told the Defense we had them right where we wanted them, and I predict you guys will win the game on defense (because the offense was having trouble, as their defense was excellent).  The end came late in the 4^th quarter when (true to form) the QB’s hands started visibly shaking again. He took the snap saw the end, and pitched the ball totally missing the back. The DB picked up and took it straight to the HOUSE. 21-14 with 2 minutes left we held on and won the game. That was totally due to the fear that we inspired.

Now for the overcoming of fear; in another Football game (this time in Okinawa) I had this kid that could really throw the ball. This time it was 11-13 year olds.  He had a problem because he looked at the rush instead of the receivers.  After a sack when he held the ball too long (we had someone WIDE!!! open in the seam all alone) I called a time out.  “Son we are having a great game aren’t we?” Man id buy a ticket to see this one I need to pull you so we can have a talk you aren’t in trouble but I need to talk with you. We put the other QB in and we moved the ball enough for our discussion and it went like this.  Ok I need to ask you a question. “If you are locked up in a fight you with a dog are you going to fight the dog or try not to get bitten?” he said try not to get bitten, WRONG MY FRIEND!!!  You are fighting a dog he is going to bite you, and the best way to stop getting bit is to get the dog to not want to fight so you have to fight with ALL YOU GOT to get that dog off of you.  I noticed the confused look and I brought it home for him.  You are in a football game you going to try not to get hit, or are you going to throw the DANG ROCK. We got guys running wide open, and they can catch. Trust them put the ball where I tell you and I promise you will score…  This was like the 2^nd game of the season.   Ok this is the next call fake 32 dive pass I’m sending the left side wide-out on a post. Just put it up and let’s see what happens…  we ran the play but this time he stood there looking for the receiver’s break and just when he released the ball, WHAM the Linebacker clocked him. (thought he would go for the fake, my bad) The ball was perfect caught the receiver in stride and 63 yards later TOUCHDOWN!!! I looked back at the QB  he was running to me COACH I DID IT I DID IT I said yes you did.  When we get back on offense you can do it again. I also told him if we get the ball back right away you can get started NOW.  You are in at safety so GO GET EM!!!  YES COACH!!! He ran out on the field and the safety came off and looked at me. I said Dude you are getting back in the game trust me…   There was a fumble and at the bottom of the pile was the QB/safety, and he was jumping and screaming. (I think I unlocked a Frankenstein) ran a couple of dives no soap so I called a pass.  (3 step drop slant/hook/go both backs stay in.)  QB drops back nothing then he takes off running. I YELLED WHAT YA DOIN (never mind) Touchdown… he came back to me smiling again and I had this (faked mad look) DID I CALL FOR A RUN. He said no coach… good Job son thinking on your feet cause there was nothing there. We won the game by 3 touchdowns. We made the playoffs that year and made it to the Super Bowl for our age group, but lost 12-6. Stuff happens… The Pizza eased the sting of defeat. I was so proud of him. His dad told me later that after that he was a changed young man. I don’t know where he is now but I have a picture of him and the team in my office and I am so proud of them.   

Now fear can control you or you can control yourself, as self-control is the ultimate goal of a control freak like me. To quote my DAD “BOY when you see me get scared it’s time to be scared.    Jus Sayin

P/S you all do know that courage is contagious, but so is cowardice…..

disagreement and respect

. We believed that it was most desirable that the North should win; we believed in the principle that the Union is indissoluable; we, or many of us at least, also believed that the conflict was inevitable, and that slavery had lasted long enough. But we equally believed that those who stood against us held just as sacred conviction that were the opposite of ours, and we respected them as every men with a heart must respect those who give all for their belief.

Garden of Good and Evil

My time in the garden of good and evil

A blazing, steamy, tropical heat, not the dry heat of Saudi Arabia, but the soggy, sweltering, jungle heat of the Philippines. This is what greeted me upon my arrival at Clark AB, Republic of the Philippines. "Toto, you’re not in Kansas anymore;" I thought while departing the contract aircraft, a second hand 747 flown by Flying Tiger Airlines. I was immediately exposed to the 98 degree, 98 percent humidity air. It was air you could eat; so thick and heavy it was like breathing hot fog. Sweat leapt from my entire body; any breeze however, would provide immediate cooling, and relief from this incessant tropical heat.

I was finally in the Philippines, a nation that has suffered the effects of natural and physical disaster at every turn. This lush tropical paradise has experienced a virtual genetic 5-car collision over the last few centuries, forever altering the gene pool of its inhabitants. The influence of the Chinese, Japanese, Spanish, in the 1700’s and 1800's, United States Armed Forces in the 1900,’the Japanese again in the 1940's, and Our contributions since then have given the PI a diverse and rich culture.

This naïve 27-year-old Airman would experience the most life changing experience of his life. I would discover myself, and not like what I would find, here on my first overseas assignment.

After securing quarters, I called my new supervisor and was told to rest. This I did as sleep came easily after that marathon 18-hour flight to the other side of the civilized world. My personal adventure would begin after dark.

My boss arrived at dusk. We were to embark on my first adventure outside of the gate. "Going to Dodge City to see Miss Kitty," I heard from some unknown party animal, as we departed through main gate. “It was Dodge City alright!” I noticed the noise, smells, and sensations of the area. To my left were the rows of moneychangers all offering to give you the Peso best rate for your dollar. The rate was actually better than the bank and illegal, but no one was enforcing that ordinance. I felt the press of the crowd. I heard the train pulling in with the sounds of poultry and pigs being offloaded. My first passive sensory input was the pungent aroma of garbage. This was revolting, but there was another scent I recognized there in the distance. Using my nose as a direction finder, I turned away from the heady smell of rotting cabbage to the sweet delicious aroma of BBQ. I had died and gone to heaven; an offering made by fire for a sweet savor unto the Lord. There were pork ribs, chicken, and something that looked like beef. It cooked like beef, and smelled like beef.  I didn’t ask any questions, because I was very hungry. We dined sumptuously on that mystery meat; it was pleasure, pure pleasure.

I was the "green bean," a new fresh one; a "Cherry boy" unlearned in the ways of Southeast Asia. One of those most notable experiences that night was hearing, and then seeing the "Cobras of Balibago". They were everywhere. You could hear the hiss emanating from a darkened doorway, then a voice that uttered "Hey GI you look for girl."  Hours later I was poured back into my room; it was 3 am. I thanked God it was a Friday night.

Waking at 3 pm. the next day, I decided it was time to venture alone in the City of Dodge.  Actually it was Angeles City, RP.  I am from another City of the Angels; however, I had a feeling that this was not going to be quite the same. After leaving the base, I personally met my first Filipino; a smallish rough looking man, riding a small motorcycle with an attached sidecar.  He spoke in this broken mixture of English and Talagog (the main native language) "Ride u Pati"? Meaning "would you like to use me as your personal transport and guide." This was all done for a small fee of course. We journeyed through town meeting mostly his relatives. Then came the pitch. “You look for girl?”  “Shields UP!” I thought to myself; you see I was from South Central LA, so I may have been born at night but it wasn’t last night. This learning experience caused me to seek out one of my co-workers that lived in town. I asked him to help me adjust. He did just that, he was the greatest of guides.

I noticed after my arrival that the towns near my work area had no electricity or running water in their homes. I remember taking baths from a 55-gal drum that once held motor oil; a ladle hanging precariously on the drum was the means of maintaining personal hygiene.  This was necessary on those occasions when I would miss the ride back to base, at the request of close personal friends.

On one of these misses, I met my first girlfriend, Amour. She was unlike all of the others; she was tall dark, and exotic. To this day just seeing Tia Carerre brings back memories of her, if just for an instant. We traveled the countryside extensively.

After few months for reasons unknown to me, it ended just as quickly as it began. I was angry. I learned however; I was just a “GI in the PI". This meant that the rules that you learned growing up didn’t apply here. Who was I to convert the masses?  I took the attitude “if you can't beat them join them. I could play the game as well.” From that point I sought to indulge in all manner of bacchanalian delights without a hint of remorse.  I was on a personal crusade, a jihad. I was General Sherman, driving through Georgia to the sea. I was Ahab, and Angeles was my white whale.

 Six months into my tour of duty I had become a seasoned veteran, a “Rice Patty Daddy.” After a time in my sober moments I struggled with the mores and instructions of my youth. I felt that I had lost my way. My emphasis changed. I wanted to know more of these people that were so different.  I did not become a saint, but I did take the intensity down quite a bit.  I found myself taking long bus trips, to the far reaches of the Island. I would buy a ticket to the end of the line; I didn’t really care where it was. I kept a map, and checked off the places I had been. I had a new mission to discover what the real people of the PI were like. In a strange town randomly selected from my map, in some remote region of the Philippines. I would rent a room for the whole weekend, which was about 30 dollars including meals. I learned all people were not the same. There was a different PI and it was only 30 miles from the gate. These “other” Filipinos were warm and friendly; a sharp what a contrast from my Angeles City experience.

Another thing that left an indelible image on my life was the amount of death there. This was the place where death went for basic training. Snakebite, rebels, infant mortality, car wrecks, and working for the wrong political official could all get you killed, let alone just being an American.

On my first incident I was driving the shop truck when a motorcycle suddenly appeared in front of me and sped past. Minutes earlier I had heard the distinctive sound of automatic weapons fire, but that was not out of the ordinary, as that happened often.  I was stopped by some of our security personnel and told we would have to wait. One of my good friends looked like he had eaten something very bad, and was losing it. I saw what caused his distress. Two men were killed at a checkpoint; not just killed, but massacred. One of the perpetrators had stood on the hood of the victim's car and fired a full magazine from an M-16 rifle through the windshield. He then administered the coup de grace to the pour souls with a pistol once each to the temple. I lost it right there on the side of roughly hewn dirt road next to my friend.

The second was having some of my friends killed in a case of mistaken identity. While driving a personal vehicle home from the site after working late, a practice that was discouraged on many occasions.   Four of my squadron mates were mistaken for government officials and shot down at a different checkpoint.

This left me jaded. I take little seriously. I have seen the evil that men do. I have seen lives destroyed for the sake of power and influence. Murder and Sex were just a few of the attractions in this Disneyland of the flesh.

 What was I then to make of the weddings, festivals, and family gatherings that I witnessed, and later invited to participate in during my cross-country journeys of personal discovery? 

A duality, the yin and yang, the good and the evil is what we are. We build great monuments to God then burn them down. We fight for life then take life again, and again. This was my maiden voyage in the real world. It changed me. Am I a cynic? Yes. Am I jaded? Yes. But I cannot help remembering cool breezes, and relaxing evenings. As my memory drifts, I find myself sitting on a chaise lounge casually looking at a bright orange sun sinking ever so slowly into the South China Sea. I sense the subtle aroma of delicately seasoned steaks on a flaming altar, sharing a tall cool one with one of my shop buds, now I am the guide, thinking, “this is how man was meant to live.”

History is written by the Victors

            Read in an article a few days ago where the Texas Tea Party wanted to change the history books to make the Founding Fathers look better, or more simply to not have the founding fathers look bad in the light of history.  I am a Conservative, but a realist.  In the words of my favorite part of the Monday Night Countdown “COME ON MAN!!!”   Where is the want for the truth?  Please don’t hate me for my next sentence. The Bible shows the good parts and the bad parts of the creation story along with the account of the birth and history of the Hebrew nation.  What’s wrong with the truth? I don’t want the part removed where David while being a slacker and not going to fulfill his leadership role as King, and General; took up with the wife of one of his officers, impregnated her, tried to cover it up. He then arranged for the murder of the man when he would not play along with his cover-up. By the way the child of this union died, but his next son was Solomon.  Jefferson held slaves… SO What!  He also has a branch of his family that continues to this day of one of his indiscretions with one of his servants. I’m not going to change the Name of my Middle School because of it.   Now let’s turn the coin over a little. There has been an effort to erase some elements of history by some of the politically correct crowd to change the schoolbooks as well. (equal opportunity distorters)  Manzinar was a real place, the Japanese interment was a real thing, the Holocaust Really did happen, the Rape of Nanking was a real event, The Brits were aiding the confederacy in the Civil war, and Winston Churchill (Who has been called manic depressive in some quarters) let one of his own cities get bombed and burned without warning the residents just so that the British cracking of the German enigma code would remain secret.

 As my Daughter often says “Dad I’m Just Sayn” Call it the truth if it is the truth. If it is true that the march to war in Iraq was based on faulty Intel then OK it’s too late now to un-drop a bomb. Now that being said it is wrong to try to (NOT REPORT) the 500 metric Tons of Yellowcake Uranium that was shipped to Canada from Iraq.  Additionally, The argument that states If you knew then what you know now IS STUPID ON THE FACE OF IT (Cathy Curic who got slapped down by Sec Rice it’s on YouTube) because you didn’t know then. If I knew that my 3^rd wife would run off with a (so-called friend) I probably would not be the person that is writing this rant now.   I could go on about Hiroshima and Nagasaki but a little more than a  page is enough…  (Except to say my father Eugene Oliver Crawford left Germany in March 1945 and started Amphib training in Louisiana, where he met my Mom. Jessie Mae Crawford)

There was a person whose job it was from the time of Kublai Khan to WWI was to rewrite the history books to make Emperor in power at the time not look bad.  A couple of quotes I have picked up over the years I will use in conclusion. While learning to coach football my mentor used this quote when we were drawing up plays and defenses on the chalkboard “The person that holds the chalk last wins” I Love you Coach Franks I learned so much from you that works in my normal life. The quote “History is written by victors” via Captain Price from “Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2”. I wonder how General Sheppard will be remembered. (You got to play the game to know what I’m talking about or Google it.)  Finally, I remember a quote from a long-forgotten history instructor…  “Manny you know History is just HIS- STORY”

Just call it like it was/is the truth is the truth (historically speaking) just tell it all.  I don’t care if it is the New York Times, LA Times, Washington Times, The Tea Party Express, the RNC, DNC, or anyone else out there.  I’m a big boy I can take it. Oh by the way I got a picture of Marylyn “you know who” all hugged up with a certain Chief Executive. 

 

Thankful

Well folks its Thanksgiving  seeing I am writing this for my facebook blog here goes.  There are 331 of you that are my friends at todays count..Of the vast majority of you we share something special in common. It could be that we walked the same Dirt,Sand,Mud, or Football fields in the Heat Cold Wet and Dry I mean like in person. Rode in buses with some of you with the AC not working a driver that could not hit all the gears without grinding or some of you that put me under the stage cause I snored too loud. (I know who you are) LOL  . Some of you we have talked about stuff you messed up and came to me wanting to know what to do (Yes Active Directory databases can be recovered) I have gone to chruch with a few to pray after hours and in an empty building with the only audible voices were ours. I have stood in the doorway of the offices of a few and said someting like "I think I really messed up this time" or more often "What it be like homey/Homegirl" Some of you are my Brothers from other Mothers and Sisters from other Misters. I also have I have Niceses that I love to pieces. A couple of you were there for me when I was at my lowest poing in my life and hung with me. Some of you I look at and say " I wish they could see what I see when I look at them. Some of you have known me since the 60's some the 70's and amazingly still like me... The rarest of you actually have met each one of my 3 Ex's and the one that has already crossed over to the other side.  You are all still my friends and am thankful for that. Some of you knew me when I was a Power Drinker, Rabble Rouser and Rice Paddy Daddy. "Were the boys from COD and raiders of the night" (I know raiders is the wrong word but this is Rated G). Shout out to all present and former Wolf Puppies, temoporary residents of "A-Town" at the Kun (You aint been packed until you have been WOLFPACKED) and Gate 2 street in Okinawa. (There was this pastry shop right out the gate that had the nicest apricot pastry thingies) Some of you knew me as coach, or the coach of your son when I coached football (I miss that) I dont think any of you knew me during my feeble attempt to be a defensive back at Cal state Fullerton (I should have ran track)  Some of us stand on different sides of the Ideological fence thats cool, but that does not mean cause I do not agree with you dosen't mean I don't love you. There are always things we can agree about.  Some of you knew me when I was on the platform of my local church... That was long ago in a galaxy far far away. Got blasted through a wormhole of my own creation and am now heading back through it (but even at light speed it is still a long way to go to get back home.)  Some of you know me at a Karaoke dude that does a mean Stevie ray Vaughn  Cab Calloway or George Thurgood.  I'd like to acknowledge a few that I dont communicate with as much as I should. You are special to me because we shared a friend that is no longer here that was my best friend and wingman that I miss badly. I have a picture of her in her Desk that her family graciously gave me after her passing and even though I dont say it I care for all you. I have children that (Thank God are my friends) one Grandson that I have met, and another that I can't wait to make my aquantince with.  I also have a couple of friends that I sometimes think "I wonder what would actually happen if I pressed that RED button" (Evil laugh)  To all my surrogate childeren, I am honored to know all of you and the ones I don't see anymore  I miss you. One of you is leaving me, and I'm jealous cause you will get to go to some cool concerts, malls restaurants and stuff. Dont worry about how expensive you only pass this way but once. Bout that when you move be careful about those boundries that I told you about ... I have to give a shout out to two of you.  My Div 1 Basketball hoopster and Alpha Bravo WAAS UP!!!  now the last group of you "folks i have not met"  We share a belief system that ties us together" though we may never meet I respect all of you....   Ok that being said  This Thanksgiving I am thankful for all of you, as my life as it currently configured would be dimished and I would not be the person that I am if not for knowing you.