A Tabled Discussion

 A Tabled Discussion

 

On the way home from church yesterday, my grandson and I had a conversation (as we always do). The question was, Papi. “Women have babies, right?’ after a pause, I said yes, that is correct. Knowing the next question, I waited for it. Why is that Papi? Well, son, it was set up that way from the beginning. You will notice in the real world the female of the species, well 99% of the has babies. Some species can change, but those exceptions you will learn in school. 

I’m at this point are having very many thoughts. Namely, how do I deal with this in the 21^st century with the ambient level of craziness is at an all-time high. I know the truth of it. Just how to present it to this inquisitive young man is the issue. I can do the whole biological thing as I believe the science, as Biology is a science, and the biblical as I believe they can coexist in a well-balanced human being. So, I made my decision and said…  Well, son, I promise to discuss this with you in detail. However, I am not prepared to do it with you today. I believe this is a discussion is better suited for when you are Donovan’s age, and you will be better prepared to understand what I am going to tell you much better than you can understand it today. I do promise to explain it to you. Is that OK with you? Jackson replied, yes, Papi, it is OK. I was now considering what in the Sam Hill am I going to tell this young man. I was relieved that I did not have to go through that process, but I will be prepared to complete that task when the time comes 5 years from now.   

Conversations

 Conversations with my Grandsons

 

Like most other mornings, I made breakfast for the crew this morning.    For the wife and youngest, Oatmeal. Diced ham and eggs for the eldest and me, and a  PB&J for the middle grandson. I find this relaxing and enjoyable taking care of them.

     The youngest came to me directly (I encourage this) with a problem he had with me.  I said go on. “He asked how sometimes when I ask you questions, you cut me off when I need to speak to you.” I thought and answered. “That is 100% true, and here’s why.  There are times I am fully involved in a task that requires my full attention.  At those times, the task is so important that I cannot stop, so I abruptly cut you off; for that, I am sorry. Here is an example: “If I am dealing with Nana who is going through a low blood sugar issue. Her health is more important than anything I am doing at that moment or, for that matter, anyone else, so I take care of that first. At other times I am making dinner cutting vegetables and meat for dinner on those tasks. I cannot be distracted with a sharp knife in my hand.”  I will say that I do cut you off at other times. “I will work at being better at paying attention to you as I am doing right now,”

            I was encouraged that he dared to approach me directly with a problem, state it succinctly, and listen for what I had to say. This is not bad for a newly minted 7-year-old.  Bringing Grandfather is the most rewarding task that I have accomplished to date, and it is what I have prayed for to atone for the person I was in my former life. 

    With the eldest (I so relate to him), I discussed leadership styles with him. In the realm of my responsibility to him as a mentor/grandfather.  I asked, “you remember me telling your that your life is a series of digital decisions?” Yes or no, on or off, which means that no decision is a decision.  There are things in this household that are my decisions to make. And those that, even though I disagree with, is not my primary area of responsibility.  However, your role is to either comply or not to with things you may or may not like, but at the same time understand there are consequences for those decisions. This is until such time as you have the power or opportunity to leave and do this on your own. Which is at minimum 5 years from now.  I stated there is a process in programming that is called an if-then statement.  If this happens then, that will occur. An if-then-or statement also adds another decision loop that could go in a whole different direction. My if-then statement in my last job. Was scary at first but had to be made. Was I going to continue in what became a situation where I was unable to repair a problem that I did not create nor have the authority to influence for various reasons when I had no need for the income to survive and take care of the family? I did not need to be there to stay, but I believed it was the thing I should do because I have done it for almost 20 years. The endemic problems at that locale were not fixable by me, so I chose to leave something I loved to do for something I loved more to do. Mentoring my grandsons and taking care of my wife, as she needed a lot of help with her medical issues. In fact, that decision was going to be made for me from both directions since Nana’s medical issues escalated while my work relationships were heading in the same negative trend. After finding out, I did not need that income to buy the new home, the decision was easy to make. It was my grandsons and wife, and I would pick that that every time. It was a choice between 150k with stress and anger or 84K and freedom. You will have to make choices sometime soon, and I just want you to be ready.

 I love being a grandfather; I love my family, and I love my life. Right now, it gets kinda crowded to the point where I am writing this essay in a coffee shop, but it's all good. 

Field training exercise.

 Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted^[a] by the devil. ² After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. ³ The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.”

Then the Master Sergeant embarked on a field exercise to prepare for an upcoming action; after surviving for 40 days, one of the training cadres approached and said.  If you are the chosen one, tell these stones to become bread.

⁴ Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’^[b].”

The Master Sergeant replied. Regulations dictate that I am not to partake of rations provided by you or anyone else. It must come directly from Higher Headquarters. Additionally, I will not deviate from the plan as laid out in said regulation

Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. 6 “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written: “‘He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone

Then the master sergeant was taken to the Jump tower in the midst of the exercise area.  If you are who you say, you can call air support for an immediate dust-off to take you to a safe area.

⁷ Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.

I am under strict orders to maintain radio silence and not break radio discipline. In an unforeseen circumstance, I will be medevacked by forces already in place to support me.

⁸ Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. ⁹ “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.”

¹⁰ Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only

The Master Sergeant replied. You are dismissed; I will not violate the sacred trust given to me by command; I will only follow the orders from a lawful authority. Period!!!

 

¹¹ Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.

The trainer departed. The Master Sergeant popped smoke and was evacuated to the rear to recuperate.

 

Being Oscar Mike

 When one is Oscar Mike

 

When one is Oscar Mike or “on mission,” things outside of the mission are superfluous, and they bear diminishing importance to the mission. The mission is paramount; there are only two options in that regard: things that support the mission or things that do not support said mission. A mission is a singular thing that a person can point to one thing that meets and satisfies a life goal or an attainable outcome; this must be focused on single-mindedly.  I can tell when someone has one, I can also tell when someone does not.  My mission is simple. I have 3 grandsons that need adult supervision. “Mentorship.”  Their mom (my daughter) stepdaughter, to be precise. Personally, I make no distinction between either one is a son/ daughter or not. I had stepbrothers but never thought of them that way. They were my brothers.  My goal is to see those 3 boys make it to become productive men.  Teaching them the things that I have painfully learned through challenging experiences, thus, avoiding the fate I brought upon myself.  I see them as my redemption for a life not lived well.  I cannot guarantee the outcome, but I can guarantee the effort in that direction.  

Through different circumstances, the boys have found themselves in a situation where adult leadership through their family is complex at best. With problems with family members creating the present situation with my grandson’s parents/grandparents. The kindest way to discuss this is to state that they are products of the experiences passed down the genetic line. As an interested 3^rd party, I entered the picture when the eldest was in a car seat, the middle child in vitro, and the youngest was just an imagination.  It was an answer to a prayer that I made years earlier when contemplating a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I asked, “God if you give me this one more chance, I promise to do my best not to mess it up this time. Upon seeing the kid in the car seat in the back of a car with a flat tire, one of 4 totally bald tires on the woman's car that would become my wife. I knew what it was when I saw it.  It was the answer to my prayer for another chance. Over the next year, I broke connections with the various individuals I had previously associated with.  And a year later, I asked the grandmother to be my wife.  I had to overcome the person I had become and evolve into more like the person I continue to strive to be.  There remains a lot of luggage that has to be dealt with, but it has been getting better daily.

Being  Oscar Mike requires focus, and that focus is inward, not outward. I had to get into better physical condition. As I went from a max weight of close to 380lbs, I am now closer to 215. That is because to complete the mission, I have to be alive. Being on mission, I had to get my financial house in order (which is a work in progress) during the moving process moving 4 times in 24 months.  I found myself having to start my life over. I sent a spouse ahead to the new area, moved to an apartment, and sold a house.   I finally moved cross country to a rental home and then bought another home (in a crazy housing market). Finally, moving to my present home and then retired. This was challenging. It was a new start.  

Being Oscar Mike is to work on becoming a better version of myself than I have ever been. I am an introvert. I do not move in the realm of emotion. As a practicing Stoic (which is another story for another time) led me back to my Christian roots. Knowing that I am not in control of the outcome of things, I am only in control of my efforts in that direction.  I believe emotional decisions lead to wrong results, but carefully thought-out consequences come from fewer emotional decisions.  Suppose someone approaches me with a passionate illogical argument. In that case, I dismiss them out of hand until I have had a chance to decide thoughtfully.  Not to say I am devoid of emotion, I avoid them because they are harmful to me in the long run (at least the negative ones). I do not watch what I call “Loser TV” You know, the ones who have this Judge whatever, whoever, and you are not the father.  I don’t need to be reminded of how much people in certain aspects of life suck at being people. Watching this over an extended period rots the brain. By the same token, I do not watch the news. If I want a dose of fear, I know where to find it on my own.    To put it simply, this is what I think of the news media (“But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.”) Revelation 21:8

Being Oscar Mike allows one to focus on the outcome instead of the nagging incidences of the present. I do not fear individual dogs (with certain exceptions), but I fear the pack.  People in groups have a dynamic that overrides self-interest in favor of the group interest. That’s why people are divided into haves and have-nots as a means of control or manipulation. When I was in the country's service, it was about the guy next to me, the one I did not want to let down. Duty and country only go so far. The man next to you that you will help that’s important

From my spiritual perspective, being Oscar Mike means that it is not my will that has preeminence, and it is the mission that has priority.   I have plenty of things that I can do for my benefit but are not conducive to the overall goal or mission.  State it in simple terms, as in 1st Corinthians 10: 23, 24 “I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive.  No one should seek their own good, but the good of others.”

Being Oscar Mike is “complicated.” but it simply is finding something outside of yourself that will make one better and more suited to the task or fit for use or purpose.  A mission where all things lead to the one thing, the stated goal.   My stated goal is to see my grandsons become good men. I can’t guarantee that will happen; however, it won't be because I neglected to take action.

 

 

Purpose

 Purpose

If you can find a why you can endure anyhow

I have things that I believe and a few things I know I believe I am responsible for my actions. And I know I bear the burdens of the decisions that I have made to date and the decisions that I continue to make.

            A couple of years back, I was hospitalized as I was diagnosed with COPD, Diabetes HBP, and an irregular heartbeat. I went to the VA clinic for an appointment and got sent to the ER. My lungs were full of fluid, and it was laborious to take a breath. Additionally, I weighed 375-380 Lbs. Honestly, I did not care if I lived or died. I was miserable at work and did not think I would make it to retirement, so I had, in essence, given up.  This event took place was over the week of Christmas. I was alone and had the unique blessing of clearing my mental plate to have a heart-to-heart with the almighty. After this time, I got my finances in order and lost about 50 lbs. I got approval for a gastric bypass which I  accomplished in 2018. I now weigh 220 Lbs, and I feel better than I have ever felt. I am longer a Diabetic, nor do I have COPD. The heart rate issue and the BP remains an issue, albeit a minor one.

            This hospital stay reminded me of the prayer that I made in 2005 while I was in the middle of solving a temporary problem with a more permanent solution, as it was one of the lowest times in my life.  In that prayer, I acknowledged my errors asked for forgiveness and made a request that I remembered during that hospital stay.  That request was, "Lord, if you see me through this, I will be a much better father, leader, and mentor than I was before.

            Several things had happened since that dark moment in 2006.  I met the woman that I eventually married in 2012. I reestablished an excellent relationship with my natural daughters. I gained ten grandchildren that know me as PAPI—having retired and moved to OHIO to mentor 3 of my grandsons that required male adult supervision.  I found my purpose. Additionally, I regained my faith that had diminished in the intervening years with the subsequent incidences of riotous living of which I was an active participant.

            I am finding Grandfatherhood is a rewarding experience; being a mentor who understands and takes a teacher's role to my grandsons is the fulfillment of my request made many years ago.  A side benefit is being a mentor to my new son-in-law as I am approached for advice almost daily.  My youngest Grandson accompanies me to church on Sundays and Bible studies on Wednesday nights. I do not have to coax him as he tells me when it's time to go to church. The young man also made me proud (and misty) when he came to the room boldly stating that God will heal Nana.  I will not push the older boys. I believe a good example and reaching my youngest Grandson will do the work without having pressure added to them by me. I expect them to be in attendance during significant milestones in his (my Grandson) growth in his faith when those milestones are recognized in the future.  It seems like a good reason to get my family to come to church with me.

             My purpose is to get those young men to adulthood in one piece, pass my knowledge on to them, and encourage their growth into manhood, helping them along the way with encouragement and mentorship.  Each one is different.  The eldest very reflective and is very happy being alone (which reminds me of me) with his ability to work alone without a lot of interaction with others. I know what life is like and will help him in any way that I can.  The middle Grandson is more tentative, and I try to let him become a little more assertive.  The youngest is pretty much an outgoing bundle of energy, and he will walk up to complete strangers and engage with them most times with hilarious results. I enjoy hanging out with him, especially when we are shopping for groceries. Each morning I get greeted by my youngest, as I get the same request "Papi, will you please fix some oatmeal."  One of the things that I have started doing in earnest in retirement is cooking, as I find it relaxing.  I have folders full of recipes that I have been acquiring that I have been dusting off. I think I have found the range of BBQ spare ribs in my pellet smoker. The last batch of 2 slabs was consumed quickly and efficiently by my family.  I have started baking as well with Peach cobbler, one of my favorites.  I have recently added enchiladas both in rolled and casserole form and red and green varieties.

            Not to say it has been all rainbows and roses. I had a painful employment decision to make. My decision to retire was due to, in part, based on three criteria 1. Fulfillment in my employment. 2 The physical challenges affect my spouse that required my intervention, and 3 is the financial aspect of retiring.  I found that in the combination of my retirement from the USAF, Department of Defense, Va disability, and Social Security, I can transition to focusing on my family, the most important thing in my life. My life has changed tremendously. I now take long walks two times a week in my small town surrounded by farms. It has helped a lot as my stress level has lowered tremendously, most notably due to not being called at 9 PM on the weekend for something mundane.  Now it is getting the Grandsons registered for the fall semester and looking forward to walking the youngest to school (weather permitting). The elementary school is located literally at the end of the walking trail 500 Meters from home.

            All of this reminds me of a Joe Walsh song, "life's been good to me so far." My biggest worry this week is, Where is the Lawn guy? The grass is getting kind of long these days. I better give him a call and see what's up.

            

Reprint from an article from the morning brew

 Prepare your liver for a marathon of farewell happy hours. A bunch of your coworkers are going to quit their jobs over the next few months—if you don’t leave before then. 

In what’s been dubbed the “Great Resignation,” 4 million people, or 2.7% of US workers, quit their jobs in April. That’s a record going back to 2000. In all, 41% of workers globally are considering leaving their current employer this year, according to a survey from Microsoft.

Why? Experts have floated several explanations to interpret all the quitting:

• Workers who didn't like their jobs but stuck with it during the pandemic are...not sticking with it anymore. 
• Many are retiring early after cashing in on a booming stock market and rising home values.
• People have reevaluated their career paths after an "unprecedented" year which allowed for more reflection.
• In that same vein, people might be looking for a job that allows for better work-life balance.

However, the main reason employees are quitting their jobs en masse, Harvard economics professor Jason Furman argues, is simpler: There are a record number of job openings in the US right now (9.3 million), and in any economy where lots of jobs are available, people leave their existing roles for greener pastures.

Big picture: Has the Great Resignation given workers the upper hand in power struggles with their bosses? Some say absolutely. There’s one story of a woman in Georgia who quit her job after being asked to go into the office for a six-minute meeting. Wages are rising quickly and companies are offering tremendous perks in their desperation to land employees. 

Others argue that when this all shakes out—when extra unemployment benefits end in September and the “reopening” reverts to simply “open”—the mad scramble to find employees will fade as workers settle into their new positions. 

For now, at least, all the leverage is with the employee. If they’re not pampered, they’re skedaddling. 

My Grandsons 1st memory verse

 

Grandson's memory verse.

                                                              Galatians 5:22-23

"But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such; there is no law."

 

This is the 1^st memory verse assigned to my 6-year-old in Sunday school. He will be quizzed on it sometime in August.  I have been in a writing freeze as of late, as life has, in part, has gotten in the way. This is the same mindset that keeps me from going back to the gym to look like the 220lb man that I am on the scale. Thanks to my pastor, I am dipping my foot into the writing pool again. 

The Fruit of the Spirit as defined by me: "It is the outward visible or apparent manifestation of the presence of the holy spirit in one's life at any particular moment." We will explore each one of these in turn.

Love. There are seven types of love described in the Greek language,  

1.      Eros: romantic, passionate physical love.

2.      Philia: authentic friendship, the city of brotherly love, is Philadelphia. I know what some of you are thinking, but this is not discussed today.

3.      Lundus: infatuation toying flirtatious love.

4.      Storage: unconditional familial love

5.      Philautia: self-love

6.      Pragma committed compassionate love.  Ever seen two elderly couples on a park bench obviously in love that have been together since Roosevelt was president.

7.      Agape: universal empathy, unconditional love.

1.      Universal love, Not physical love, not brotherly love but love for love's sake.

2.      Joy: Webster defines it as "a feeling or state of well-being and contentment." Satisfaction with the way things are, knowing with certainty that things will work out, and resting in that knowledge. Example: My Grandmother died decades ago. This woman my Grandmother. She taught me how to make peach cobbler and Cat Head biscuits, the woman who lived next door from my childhood, jumped the fence to have fried chicken when my mother made liver and onions. When I make peach cobbler these days, the feeling I have smelling the oven-fresh the deliciousness is the joy.

3.      Peace: a state of mutual harmony between people or groups, especially in personal relations:

We are not speaking of the absence of war but a harmonious relationship with those persons and things around us.

4.      Longsuffering: is to endure injury trouble or provocation for an extended time with patience. This is tough, as we get trained to defend against offenses. There are times when the opportunity to fight back is warranted or desired but withholding that tendency is longsuffering.

5.      Gentleness is the quality of being gentle, not abrasive, with those around you.

6.      Goodness: is moral excellence virtue. The choice not to willingly not participate in negative situations surrounding us daily emphasizes the higher emotional quality response.

7.      Faith: the ability to see things that are not immediately evident and acting in such a way as the outcome has already happened.

8.      Meekness. The quality of being patient, quiet, not bombastic.

9.      Temperance: moderation or self-restraint in action control of oneself. (or) moderation in the indulgence in a natural appetite of passion.  I need to exhibit temperance in the realm of Oreo cookies.  One Oreo is fine. Two Oreos is also acceptable, but 27 is not.

Against the above: there is no law governing any of the above attributes. However, those who participate in the reverse have laws on the books that cover almost all those habits that are contrary to what is listed above. This present society teaches or, more importantly, makes merchandise of the opposite. Justice and mercy are not in the Molotov cocktail but lies with people that are not moved by negative emotions.

Changing the definition of what is good and fair for their own purposes. The media teaches the opposites of the Fruit of the Spirit as the ideal. They teach that discussion and discourse are not for the intelligent, but the week, as the strong take what they desire from the weak. We are taught that aggression is the ideal. With control of all thought and action for their goals are the fairest of the fair.  

        When confronted by a driver that drives aggressively, someone walking in the Spirit in that exact moment can and will exude longsuffering with the other person in that situation and will exude a gentle spirit.  This is not to say that the person found offense in the act, but conversely, it is not guaranteed that the victim of the aggressive driver cannot act aggressively in return; the person walking in the spirit has made a conscious choice not to.  Walking in the Spirit will avoid the situation and make every effort to avoid negative consequences for as long as possible, thus giving the other person time to disengage. The interaction between the two drivers is over. The one driver can go on to the next person, whereupon he can perform this aggressive driver trickery upon, and the other driver can move on from that incident. However, if the aggrieved driver insists on pressing the issue, the consequences can have an effect that can last for years or even a lifetime.  It is not wrong to have love, joy, and peace. 

It is admirable to exhibit longsuffering, gentleness, and faith, and it is desirable to show meekness and intelligence to walk with temperance. The side benefit of all those actions is there will be no need for legal counsel or a judge after an encounter with law enforcement by exhibiting the Fruit of the Spirit. That is a very desirable outcome and will save many heartaches and possibly money in the long run.