I WAS WRONG PART 1

             I WAS WRONG!!! Pt1

Boy, I have deemed myself an idiot this week. My self-talk Totally sucked. I jumped to conclusions because my attitude was miserable. I read a post. Not true I read the header of an article, and because I was mad (at something going on at work) I shot off my mouth(fingers) and hit send. On the other end was a friend that I respected but had an investment in the topic. There was an emotional component that I did not consider; which wasn’t hard seeing I did not recognize anyone but my own preconceived notions. I apologized when I discovered what I had done but, now I feel terrible about it. What will I do to do better? Well, 1^st of all do better!!! I have to consider the possible ramifications of me just running wild when I am in sarcasm mode. With the knowledge of I am responsible for what I say think, or write.  I am not a troll I, however, am full of sarcasm but that has to be tempered with the knowledge that there is a thinking, feeling human being sitting in front of their computer screen. I tend to not care intensely what others think I do however have to treat others with respect. Which this week in this and another instance have failed miserably.  I’m sorry KR

Sadness

Sadness

Sometimes there is not enough time. I am in mourning for a person that had a pivotal role in my ability to grow into an adult human being. She is not the only one but, she and her husband were lights in one of my darkest hours. The year was 1980-81 I had been just let go from a job. Soroc Technologies. We made dumb terminals which connected to mainframes. I started in assembly and advanced to hot-test and shipping then I was shipped out to my next adventure (I just didn’t see it that way. I, in fact, had a good friend that worked there that I would love to find again. John Gagnon. We used to go to the old Woody Allen movies and quote the lines all the time. Sorry for the shout-out. I was out on the bricks was staying with my roommates, and since I could not do the rent anymore, I was out of there. I had a friend (Hell still have a friend) Mark that asked his parents if I could move in temporarily until I could get on my feet. We were in a WWII reenactment group that I was exposed to because I was a friend to a curator of a military museum. Yes, there are pictures out there of me in a WWII uniform firing blanks at people in German uniforms. Hell, we did a half-time show. Where I got to shoot a .50 cal from a WWII vintage tank.  There is a picture of me in a WWII jeep at a reenactment dance where I wore pinks and greens. I even took Jitterbug lessons so I could fit into the atmosphere.

            Edith and Grant took me into their home and treated me like family including some sage advice these were some of the kindest people I have met. I will state for the record that this was my blessing from above I have had a series of families that were kind to this knucklehead from south central. That’s another really long story; needless to say, an interesting one.  I had a decision to make. I walked into the Recruiting office in Orange California in the late summer of 1980 and went to the AF recruiter I joined the USAF delayed enlistment entering April 28, 1981.

My 1^st mistake. I should have paid Grant and Edith in advance for the rent they charged for me to be there, as it was very reasonable. Which meant when my dumb butt realized it, I had to get a job. I worked doing temp office work (a strategic decision) as I found office work was good for my dating life.  (another story that will remain untold)

            It was at this time the value of my time with them was made evident. From them, I received some sage advice, and I can point to every time that advice was correct during my time serving in the U.S.A.F.  I was told beware of the guy that wants someone to pay for a round but hesitated reach in their own pocket to buy one. Identified that one right away and lifted a glass to Grant. I just remember seeing a down to earth family going to church, being active in the community and people namely Marc and Carol that are now my brother and sister. Oh, I have plenty of brothers and sisters out there that I have acquired since I was a teenager in So Central LA that I am still in contact with to this day.  Grant was called home to be with the Lord while I was overseas, I did and continue to miss him. Talk about someone that walked it like they talked it.  That was him.  I recently within the last 2 years regained contact with the rest of the family. This was due to the phenomenon of Social Media in particular and Facebook in general. I'm seeing kids, grandkids foreign adventures, and was glad to be in contact with them again.
We exchanged numbers and we call regularly. Edith asked me to come to see her. I unfortunately due to illness and finances was unable to go back to California to see her again. As you see on the 1^st day of spring this year surrounded by family laughing and enjoying each other Edith quietly passed from this existence to the next.  The feelings of grief, sadness and the shame of not being able to come back to California for a visit have deeply affected me.  Now the aftermath and the legal implications of the final disposition of Edith’s final wishes have to be fulfilled. The only thing that I can add to this is that through the years I have seen strange things happen during this tragic time in a family. I started my journey that led to being a part of their family began earlier in 1980 when my mother passed away suddenly. To my California family, you have a cohesive unit full of love and compassion as it is in your DNA, as I had the honor of knowing your mom and dad.  Every time we talked since then it was and is like going home, as you all sound the same. Remember you have each other to carry you through to the rest of your time here on earth. Kids, grandkids sons and daughters and in-laws are looking to you for leadership as you are approaching the top of the pyramid. You have a unique position of leadership that can not be dismissed or devalued.  The adhesive that holds your family together is strong and can withstand the winds of difficulty and change, I know its strong because I know where it came from. Be good to each other because we are are not isolated islands in a stream. we need each other to make it through another day. I have had a recent drought in my writing as of late. Your family has inspired me to continue to do that as I use it to let what I have bottled up to be released into the atmosphere. To do so is to release something eternal into the universe. We as people need to keep the vision our eyes up and aware making sure our loved ones are protected from things from the outside that could do us harm.  Mistakes happen, heck stuff happens every day.

Be Excellent to each other. 

Canned Answers

Canned answers

I don’t watch the news I skim for topics that interest me and do my research on each one. So, when it comes up to the rare occasion that I “stupidly” respond to a work conversation on a lively topic, I do not have a ready list of answers from the Major networks.

1.      I free speech on campus. I blundered to this one with a knee jerk reaction to a dumb azz statement. “You know the president just signed an executive order restricting the ability of a university to restrict free speech on campus.”  With my dumb azz, I blurted out “that’s a bad thing?”  I then heard the rehash of talking points. Oh, Manny, it doesn’t matter and just walk away. Of the 17 people in your section you only care about 6 or 7 on the govt side, and all of the cool azz contractors, that leaves a few that I do not particularly care for.  Oh, I will pull over to help them if they get a flat tire on the highway, but I’m not taking them out for drinks after work.  Unfortunately, This is someone that I respect as he was a MAJOR influence in me getting into IT after I retired from active duty, and have known him for 20+ years. I can tell because he is plugged into the news 6 or 7 hrs a day. I’m usually listening to a book. For the next few days,s it’s a spy novel.  One has to do something while software is loading, unlocking accts and other mundane tasks like patching servers.   So, he comes up with this thought whenever this white supremacist. Goes on campus there are riots my next question (to strike the preverbal match) is Ben Shapiro a white supremacist, just asking? He says can you let me make my point? Go ahead then he goes on the MSNBC rant that I heard heading to the restroom only 15 mins earlier. You see I don’t have canned answers readily on hand that do not require thought. So, If did if a riot is the point of emphasis,  then do we limit the ability of some teams to reach a championship.(I’m looking at you City of Brotherly love)  is the constitution only for those we agree with, or is it the supreme law of the land however flawed it can be  (Dred Scott v Sanford 1857) which was nullified by a subsequent amendments namely 13^th and the 14^th amendments. I believe that it is even with its notable flaws.   I could have had the smart azz answer that I didn’t know you supported the same line of thinking that put Jews in boxcars, but didn’t, or whenever these black people march there is a riot, and we need to sick the police dogs and water hoses on them, but didn’t just let it go as it really didn’t matter.  The person is a terrific guy I have difficulty with the concept of a person well versed in the Bible and says they believe it and some of the things that get from his the internal tape recorder. that two master thing rears its ugly head (I'm just as guilty from time to time.) "Fault in others I can see but praise the lord there's none in me"  thanks pastor 

 2.      Gun control the question was “I don’t know why someone would want a weapon of war for self-protection. Another canned answer My answer was, have you read the decision laid down by the Supreme court in the case of Heller vs. the District of Columbia 2008?  If not educate yourself and we can discuss the merits of that case at a later time then put my headphones (another book) and turned away.  I will note reading the majority opinion of Justice Scalia, and the minority opinion of John Paul Stevens is interesting and more enlightening than any news story offered by any pundit

 3.      Golan Heights after the question “should they give it back to Syria” I asked have you seen a map of the Golan Heights area. It borders Israel from Syria, Jordan, and Lebanon.  Have you read accounts from the 1973 war? How the Golan Heights are the high ground with the border of Israel on a downward slope toward the sea. Have you read the accounts of the pitched battles of the 1^st line units holding on until the reservists could be mobilized outnumbered by hordes of Soviet-made T-55 tanks? Have you looked at the map and thought how did they survive let alone win? Looking at that map one will see the strategic importance of a buffer between themselves and the other hostile nations to the east north and south.  If not, do that 1st because “reading is fundamental” let’s talk later about the aspects of this conundrum.  If reading is tough the History channel has plenty of documentaries on the subject however, in my opinion, reading is much more preferable than getting it on the tube. But that’s just me.

In conclusion:

  I don’t have a ready-made answer that does not require thought even if I don’t like said responses.  If I, as a thinking human being, let others speak for me, or I let them use my brain to parrot the thoughts of others what am I as a person.  There is an old joke that falls in this category. “Some people say I do my thinking with my little head. That’s wrong my little head does my thinking FOR me” The question is whose head is being used to promote the exchange of ideas? I prefer using the head resting comfortably in my northern regions, as opposed to the one below the Equator What I should have done was said in each of those incidents was simply say that’s nice and move on.  I once failed to follow the advice of my father who said. “No one has permission to know what you think unless you give them permission.”

You see “The problems of 3 little people don’t matter a hill of beans in this crazy world” Thanks Bogey

Being an Usher (Being that light in a dark world)

How to help

Being an Usher

An excellent friend helped me to crystallize this thought that was poking at the back of my consciousness. That was how to render assistance or help on an independent basis without the involvement of a larger organization. This would be mostly local and at my discretion and entirely my choice to do or not to do. My discussions with my friend and former coworker let the following concept. The concept of being an usher.

Usher: verb

1. show or guide (someone) somewhere.
   "a waiter ushered me to a table."

synonyms:

escort, accompany, help, assist, take, show, see, lead, show someone the way , lead the way, conduct, guide, steer, pilot, shepherd, convoy "he ushered him to a window sea

The ways someone can help are diverse and numerous. At the minimum, it's being courteous and gracious to all and assisting others while and where one can. At maximum, it would require 1^st aid training in the event one comes upon a grave need to be met until official parties arrive then fading into the crowd without recognition or praise. Do what is needed then move on. This is not for extra credit, praise of monetary award. If that happens without ones personal influence then ok, but we are not shopping for that just to be of service.

Example Child lost and crying in the mall an usher will not walk by they will Shepard the young one to the nearest mall security worker and explain the circumstances waiting to be relieved or to being asked to stay with the young person until the authorities arrive.

This endeavor is not risk-free the possibility that your intentions will be questioned is genuine and the only defense you can have is the truth. That should be prepared for, but not shied away from.

When I was active duty military I was required to take a course in self-aid and buddy care, and CPR. That would be good skills to obtain. Please note you are not a lawyer or advocate. Just a concerned citizen that wants to help. If the party does not wish to be supported then report the incident to the authorities and move on knowing that the job has been done. It is also not your job to break up and physical altercations. Rendering 1^st aid is one thing participating in the melee is another thing altogether. Defending one's self is a judgment call that has to be made on the spot as I can't advise anyone on what should and should not be done. That is the risk of being an usher there are no hard and fast rules or guidelines. This may not come out to one's advantage. That the chance that has to be assumed by anyone assisting anyone in a time of crisis as one's motives will be questioned in the aftermath. Remember this can be as small or as involved as one wishes to make it. I'm sure there won't be a problem with wheeling a patient being released from a clinic to a waiting vehicle. About training it will go a long way to explaining the circumstance of your aid of one is certified by a major organization a few are listed below and can are local to most locations.

Resources:

https://www.redcross.org/take-a-class/first-aid/first-aid-training

The American Red Cross offers classes on 1^st aid, and other entities do the same.

https://www.nsc.org/safety-training/first-aid

https://www.osha.gov/laws-regs/regulations/standardnumber/1910/1910.151

finally, there is a biblical reference to the concept.

"What is the spiritual gift of helps?"
Answer: The spiritual gift of helps is found in one of the spiritual gifts lists in the Bible. The Greek word translated “helps” in 1 Corinthians 12:28 is found only there in the New Testament; therefore, the exact meaning of the gift of helps is somewhat obscure. The word translated “helps” means literally “to relieve, succor, participate in, and/or support.” Those with the gift of helps are those who can aid or render assistance to others in the church with compassion and grace. In the application listed above application, there is only the greater church of your neighbors and communities.

This is what I was thinking about for months it took a good friend that I served with and known for years to bring it home for me. This is an outward expression of unrequited love for one's fellows.

And what a week it was

                                                                           

1st of all I am certainly excited to have this chapter in my life concluded and to be

beginning the next step in my continual evolution.  Sunday last I reported to William

Beaumont Army medical center for preadmission for gastric bypass surgery which was

scheduled as the 2nd case the next day. The night was uneventful. On the scheduled surgery

date events conspired to delay my scheduled time for another day. It involved a medivac helicopter; ambulances, and all the available operating rooms utilized. From what I heard from the news my Doc was fully involved in the happenings, and I wasn’t asking questions. That evening my surgeon, the head of the department, totally professional, dedicated and honestly good guy came up to see me.  He was considering doing my case at the close of the day after discussions with him he “rightfully” decided to do it in the 2nd case of the next day that was Tuesday.  It was an excellent decision, and you will know why shortly.  I was ready to go wheeled up with my bride (after all it was our anniversary) ill have you know she was a trooper hanging with her hubby throughout the 1st four days or so 24-7 until I was assigned a roommate in my hospital room. (hospital policy) more about that roommate later. Ok, I was hooked up to the appropriate tubing and was told that I would be given something to relax me before the procedure read “Nite-nite bro.”  5 to 7 hrs later I awoke to 1st gladness then more than a little panic on my part as my right hand was paralyzed from my middle finger to the thumb and the left arm unresponsive and stiff.  It has since then regained function seeing I can type, but it was a scary time until it did. The consensus was (and will be confirmed next week) due to the position of my arms on the table it restricted nerve passages, and due to the duration of the procedure, it restricted my arm mobility.  I also had a sore throat due to the tubing keeping me breathing.  That being said I was informed with the complication’s that were discovered while the surgical team was inside my chest and abdomen. 1st it was two undiagnosed and undiscovered hadal hernias which were repaired and two previously undiagnosed softball-sized tumors that were found near my chest wall and removed. both were benign. I guess it pays to look as I or anyone else had ZERO knowledge of those two issues before my lying down on the table.  The procedure other than that was uneventful and went well. I had little or no pain, and I did not have the chance to push the pain button when I returned to recovery.  But wait there was something else that was lurking in the dark waiting for the smoke to clear.  After two days returned to the ward, I was sent to ICU with some heart arrhythmias that were appearing from time to time with little or no warning.   I have in the past have been diagnosed with arrhythmias, but this one seemed to have to do with the electrical pathways in the heart.  I am following up with a Doctor to run that issue to ground. For now, I am being treated with drugs until a long-term solution can be implemented.  I think it’s called supraventricular tachycardia (but don’t quote me).  Meanwhile, back in the hospital bed in ICU, those issues were coming under control and after a day or so I was returned to my previous room for observation and release.  My coworkers were excellent coming down and encouraging me with their visits and text messages. An outstanding group of people.  I never felt alone and knew I have lots of folks in my corner.   Now for my silly thoughts during the process.  The procedure was an anticlimax (for me) no pain for the most part from the procedure, it was the complications that that had everyone’s full attention including mine. Ok, the 1st of my silliness I never got to push the button.  I won’t take pain meds unless I’m in agony and other than the 1 or 2 times I pushed it to test it, it was removed without fanfare. No IV dalatiid experience for me I, however, did have some significant pain issues once which was treated with liquid OXI.  That stuff is the straight devil’s mouthwash. It will jack one up.  No thanks. Tylenol 3 in liquid form that stuff is just NAS-TEE. I refused it after the 1st dose.  My nemesis was the bottle of water and protein powder mixture flavored with peach iced tea.  If I use the word nasty it’s because I have no words to describe the gag-inducing flavor of that concoction. If supplied a lemonade packet  of sugar free was provided instead of the peach that would be at least palatable even in its nastiness  Now about the complete professional conduct of all involved I was allowed to have my own CPAP unit in the room (a blessing) as the one provided sounded like a jet engine in my face.  I was kept informed at all points of the problems that were emerging and their progress in getting me released. I have appts made for me or instructions are given for the new (gigantic) bag of meds and was released home in time to watch the two football games I was interested in only one thing sleeping in my bed which I did with gusto. I am on a 100% liquid diet as of this writing seeing my protein drinks at the domicile have flavor going for them. I am looking forward to the next step. Found myself searching for bariatric modifications to what I can have (when the time comes) and it seems more diverse than I once suspected, and that’s a good thing.  For future reference learned 3 ways to poach an egg. I was gratified to know that the breakfast in the cafeteria will only require the deletion of bacon from my selection, with the go-to breakfast choice of cottage cheese and pineapple (which I dice up at my desk) to add in is legit as is my love for tuna so it will work out just fine.  I will continue to write on the progress I’m having. In short, I’m glad to be home and the hospital phase over. And let the congregation say AMEN!!!!

Time adds Perspective

     There is a phenomenon that occurs over time. This Phenomenon is called perspective.  I noticed this during the viewing of the movie "Casablanca" circa 1942.  I noticed some things years later, as I missed watching it as a young person. I noticed that there was a woman Yvonne that approached him at the bar "where were you last night?" Rick answered "That's so long ago I can't remember," she asks Will I see you tonight. Rick answers “I don't make plans that far ahead." as an 11-year old that meant absolutely nothing, but as a 40-year-old watching it (way back then) I thought "Dang Son" that was a cold shot.  The man was a Straight PLAYA.  The next thing I noticed I inspector Louis Reneau was a Crook “I'm shocked, shocked that gambling is going on in here. The pit-boss enters from off screen and states "your winnings sir.".” His gambling habits aside, he seemed to be biding his time until he had to make a decision that he made at the end of the movie “Round up the usual suspects.”  

Ilsa and Rick where do I start on that one.  She left him waiting in vain at the train station as Paris fell. This is after a whirlwind courtship. She broke his heart. At Ricks, he seemed fine until she walked into the Gin joint.  Rick was visibly shaken.  Now for the status of letters of transit that were stolen at the beginning of the movie. Why did Rick give them to Elsa? She did say they would leave her husband so she and Rick can get away. However, there was a scene where Elsa tells Rick that he has to do the thinking for both of them shortly after that the scene went "fade to black," and we know what that means in the old movies. Like something that the lights are left on for newer movies. They were doing a little hanky-panky

Rick was sentimental.  The young couple from Bulgaria, the husband, was playing on the Roulette table trying to make money for the letters of transit. After a conversation where she says something to the effect of "if someone did something bad to ensure the happiness of their husband, and the husband never found out would it be bad.”  Rick then heads to the casino and tells the husband to play 22 on the roulette wheel. It hits in case you are wondering the payout is 35 to 1.   He then tells him to keep it on 22. It amazingly hits again for another 35 to 1 Payout. Rick tells them to go and never come back. The word gets out to what Rick as done and his status rises with his employees. Before his departure, Rick ensured that Sam (the pianist) Was taken care of and had a job

Rick was a Patriot. When provoked by Major Strasse Rick did not rise to the bait. However, when the Germans sang their patriotic songs. Rick gives the head nod that allowed the band to be led by Victor Lazlo in

La Marseillaise.

     I have some serious questions about Viktor Lazlo. What did he know, how much did he know, and what were his priorities when it came to Ilsa?  It would seem that he. Was all in for the cause and she was kind of “just there” there is a question that my adult mentality has trouble getting its mind around. That is what husband lets his wife meet a former boyfriend (or any man) at O dark thirty in the AM in a foreign country that is more or less at best a part of the Vichy Govt at best, or under Nazi Occupation at worst.  That’s rhetorical no answer is needed just raising the question. At the end of the movie, Rick not only let Elsa and her husband escape but also killed Major Strasse in a straight up Wild West shootout that being said, I have heard its bad tactics to draw on a drawn gun. That is just a couple of things I got from the movie as an adult that I missed as a kid.  I am sure there are movies that one watched as a young person that suddenly a more profound meaning was discovered with the benefit of older eyes.

     There is not much to Major Strasse, as he is the wartime caricature of the axis villain that we have come to expect. A character is totally devoid of any depth whatsoever. Kind of like the Japanese Secret agent of the period round glasses an all.  

    As for the mysterious case of Sam, I can infer as in make it all up or guess a couple of things. Since Rick fought in the Spanish Civil war, the case can be made for the partnership of Rick and Sam during that conflict.  It is a Historical fact that Black troops fought in the Spanish Civil war notably in the Abraham Lincoln Division on the side of the loyalists.  Side note the future Medal of Honor winner Edward A. Carter Jr served in that unit in the Spanish civil war which became a problem for him when the communists became our enemies like after 15 mins after hostilities ended.  

     Back to the point that was the movie Casablanca the character Signor Ugarte who is one of my favorite characters in the film (albeit short-lived) was played by Peter Lorre. There will be more on Mr. Lorre when I explain the complexities of the movie the Maltese Falcon see through adult eyes. 

Finally, my understanding of the nuances of old movies seen through a more mature perspective, (as time goes by) seems like something that I would like to explore again with the wealth of film of the early days of Hollywood as it is an inexhaustible supply of stuff to write about and that is the point me writing. Thanks for listening to my exercise in putting my thoughts on paper developing a skill that I wish to pursue as my 3^rd career.

My Personal Monster

                                                            Monster of the mind.

"The monsters of the mind are far worse than those that actually exist. Fear, doubt, and hate have hamstrung more people than beasts ever have".                                                                                                                                                           CHRISTOPHER PAOLINI

     This week I let myself down. It was not a failure because I did not act on it.  It started this Monday morning I saw my supervisor waiting for me in the hall as I entered.  What I did not do was to suspend my routine of personally greeting my coworkers and honestly asking about their weekend in the most basic (and brief) way. I know the bad news was coming and it could wait (as could he). Upon entering my office. He inquired as to my lack of success in configuring one of my systems for internal internet access and why has this taken so long to complete (well it wasn't yet). The truth is that the communication with the vendor has been less than successful. Now the tech on the vendor side is a consummate professional and was at a loss to figure 1st why we could not communicate and then why the system was not working.  Then the negatives started. My monster was awakening whispering into my ear. “You are a grown ass man who in the F^&* is he to talk down to you like that. You are 63 years old you are just one FU from getting this bastard out of your life”.  This was my internal message what came on the outside was “Sir I will keep banging on it until we bring it into line. He made some negative statements he saw the look in my eyes then cracked a small joke that lightened the move. I thanked him for that when he left.   What I did next was NOT to work on the Issue it was to go to my social security page and get a calculation of what I would be getting if I flushed this down the toilet. I wasn’t happy about that.  Oh, I could swing it, however, as a GS-11 step 6 in the IT career field it was like kicking myself in the balls just to prove a point that would not matter a dang to them but would matter a lot to my family.  Then the new man stood up.  Manny really? You are going to let this situation and that man affect the future that you have worked over 37 years developing really dude you will really show them. Show them how to exactly blow up your life and get laughed at (for a good reason) in break rooms for a while.  It would go like this “Crawdad (my nickname since the military) was one of the coolest guys we ever met always helpful and this one time he lost it. I wonder where he is now”. The contractors would say the slot is open we can get into the Dark side of the force and get in the GS system.  

That was Monday we tried to get it working all week with no success when in the conference call with a vendor (on Friday) the light went on (FULL ON) when he asked “Ok let’s go into Internet Explorer and put the default web page in the browser and see what happens.  OH SHIZNIT!!! The server did not have Internet Explorer installed I got the server from the Information assurance guys, and it did not have internet explorer working due to some sort of Group Policy. This is the crux of it installing the vendor's software automatically sets up IIS (Internet Information Services) Well IIS was configured, but without IE Internet Explorer it wasn’t going anywhere.  I started to laugh I had a song in my head “It wasn’t me” By Shaggy, I walked into the supervisor’s office and asked “Sir can I have a word?” I mean in my office. Where the tech was on speaker, and he outlined the problem to him, I tried to suppress a smile (unsuccessfully) I told the boss I am here to get this done, and once we get past this hurdle (more like a self-inflicted gunshot wound in the foot) we will get it down. Then informed the other sections of the problem and started to let them develop a workaround until a permanent fix was achieved.  You should have seen the look on the man’s face while I was suppressing a smile (with limited success)

   The aftermath I worried my wife, raised my blood pressure, and gave myself aggravation over something that was not my fault. If I had listened to the inner monster, I would be trying to think of a way of shrinking my lifestyle into a package that is about 50% of its present size. Oh, I am going to retire, but it will be on my timetable and not some monster that I keep locked up for a reason. I take leadership in my family seriously and to see the look in the eyes of my wife was unsettling. I’m not here to instill fear in others, but I saw it, and it gave me pause. Since taking the stance that the only way forward is through I have battled the “old man”       from time to time. He tries to assume control, and I have to invoke my stoic calm to get past it.  Emotional control is something I strive for and for the most part it is successful. That is why I don’t do Politics, the news or negative media. I want to be that beacon on the hill where my family can look up to me and for the people that I look up to 1st being my in-law’s as I hold myself accountable to them. I told my father in law “POP.” You have leadership issues on your end of I-10. Don’t worry about this end of the highway as I GOT THIS.  I have people that look up to me, and I have to have my Shiznet together. To quote Eugene Oliver Crawford “, this is yours you made it now make it the way you need it There was a concept when I was active duty sometimes you have to bite from the Doodoo Sandwich. We all do. Bosses Officers and leaders get a more significant portion than you get. So make it the way you like it cause you ARE going to have to eat it.  I like mine with mustard mayo a slice of Bermuda onion the hotter, the better.

It not what happens to you its how you deal with it.