Tuesday, December 2, 2025

 My Friend Mike: Standing Up for the Airman Who Aimed Higher

I just got home, misty‑eyed, after watching the film *The Last Full Measure*. It tells the story of a thirty‑year fight to secure the Medal of Honor for a man’s actions in Vietnam.

All the way home, I kept thinking about my friend Mike.

Mike and I first crossed paths in Power Production. He worked for me as a generator mechanic and electrician. On paper, I was his supervisor. In reality, I was his mentor, his advocate, and one more senior NCO trying to make sure the right people got the right chances.

He made that part easy.

The Airman in the Generator Yard

Mike was the kind of airman you hope for and rarely get. Smart. Hungry. Always squared away—my nod to my Marine friends. He was the definition of a “Firewall 5” on his performance reports, the highest rating you could give in every area: job performance, attitude, appearance, and bearing.

He did things the right way every time, without needing someone to stand over his shoulder. That doesn’t mean he had an easy road. Nobody does. He was dealing with some family issues that caught the attention of the chain of command—nothing he did, but close enough to brush against his career.

The problem was simple to explain and ugly to look at. From the outside, it didn’t present well. From the inside, I knew the truth: Mike was doing everything in his power to distance himself and handle it by the book.

But sometimes, perception tries to outrun reality.

“Change His Evaluation”

One day I got the call no supervisor likes. I was ordered to report to the commander’s office with my first sergeant.

The issue on the table: Mike’s performance report and his request to cross‑train into the Pararescue career field. His family situation had drawn command interest, and now people were looking for paperwork that “reflected how it looked.”

In plain language: I was being asked to shade his evaluation.

Sitting there in that office, I listened to the concern. I understood the pressure. I was also less than six months from retirement, which meant my tolerance for politics was at an all‑time low. They wanted me to modify his performance report to match the optics of the situation, not the reality of the man.

I respectfully declined.

I told them what I knew: Mike’s conduct on duty was spotless. His performance was outstanding. He had done everything required of him—and then some—to handle the family matter correctly. To punish him on paper for something he did not do, when he had followed the rules, would not be honest. And if the evaluation isn’t honest, it’s useless.

The request to deny his cross‑train into Pararescue came next.

Once again, I refused to throw him under the bus. If he had earned that opportunity—and he had—I was going to recommend him for it. Period.

A Sea of Generators and Bigger Dreams

Back in the Power Production yard, we had rows of 750‑kilowatt generators—desert tan beasts chugging out electricity and clouds of exhaust. Every month we ran “hot tests” on them under load. At one point, we were having a recurring problem with resistors blowing at random. We worked through it together, gathering running data for the manufacturer so they could redesign the equipment and fix the issue.

Over the roar of those engines, we also talked about his future.

He told me he wanted more than to be a generator mechanic. He wanted to do more, go farther, test himself harder. He wanted to be a PJ—one of the Air Force’s Pararescuemen.

I told him if that’s what he wanted, I would back him to the hilt. Not because it sounded impressive, but because I believed he had the character and the work ethic to carry that kind of responsibility.

A few months later, I retired and moved on to a new career in IT. Mike stayed in the fight.

Staying in Touch with a Quiet Professional

Years later, I found him on the global email listing and sent him a note now and then.

Because he was in the Special Operations community, I never expected details. I just wanted him to know I still had eyes on him in the only way I could.

My messages usually ended something like this:

> “Mike, I don’t know where you are or what’s going on with you. Just know I’m thinking about you and want you to be safe, wherever that is. You have a dinner coming from me whenever you’re ready.”

To this day, I mean that.

Why I Keep Thinking About Him

Watching *The Last Full Measure* brought a lot of things to the surface: sacrifice, loyalty, and the long fight to see someone properly recognized for who they really are.

I’ll never claim credit for Mike’s accomplishments. He did the hard work. He walked the miles. He carried the rucksack. But I am grateful I was in a position, at one crucial moment, to tell the truth about him when it counted.

Leadership isn’t just about writing reports and enforcing standards. Sometimes it’s about standing in a quiet office, looking a commander in the eye, and refusing to rewrite someone’s story to make the optics look better.

My friend Mike wanted to aim higher. All I did was keep the paper from weighing him down.

If you’ve ever had a “Mike” in your career—a junior person who deserved better than the rumor mill and the easy political answer—do them a favor: tell the truth about them. Back them when it costs you nothing, and especially when it might cost you something.

You never know where they’ll go, or who they’ll save, because you chose not to look away when it was easier to stay quiet.

Friday, February 14, 2025

Dalysis Memoir

 I moved to Columbus right after retiring from 39 years of government service, eager for a new chapter. My greatest joy was walking my grandson to elementary school—a simple, fulfilling routine. The first year went as planned. Three times a week, I walked a mile, breathing in the crisp morning air, feeling strong. Then, something changed. A sluggishness crept in. I brushed it off as aging. But that fatigue didn't go away as time passed—it settled in, deep and unshakable.

I never connected how I felt to what my kidney specialist had warned me about before I moved: my kidneys were deteriorating. Back then, I felt fine. The warning felt distant, almost theoretical. Even when subtle signs appeared—water retention in my legs, hips, and abdomen—I dismissed them. Then, the morning after an anniversary dinner with my wife, I woke up in a hospital bed. It was the beginning of an 18-month ordeal that would redefine my life. My kidneys had reached their breaking point. I underwent emergency dialysis.

Emergency dialysis is a harrowing experience. There was no established access to the machine that now had to replace my kidneys. The only option was to insert a catheter directly through my neck, into my subclavian artery—or possibly even my aortic arch. The sensation of a tube so close to my heart was surreal. To say I was scared would be an understatement. But fear doesn't change reality. The only way to solve a problem is to go straight through it. So, I gritted my teeth and moved forward.

Looking back, I understand why my kidney specialist moved so fast to get me on dialysis. After just a few sessions, they inserted an intermediate access point—a catheter into my aorta. It was a temporary fix until they could create a fistula in my left bicep, a direct connection between a vein and an artery. That fistula would be my lifeline, but it needed time to mature. Until then, the catheter was my only access point for dialysis—three days a week, four hours per session. The reality of my new life settled in quickly.

At no point did I feel sorry for myself. Self-pity was never an option. My mission is clear: to mentor my grandchildren until they reach adulthood. That is the sole meaning of my existence, my life's work. The reasons behind it could fill another story, but I know this much—it's a calling from God. And when you're given a mission like that, you don't waver. You endure.

With a military and civil service background, I see dialysis as another mission—one with strict orders. Those who assist me, my doctors and nurses, aren't just medical professionals. They're my partners. They're not punishing me; they're keeping me alive. Their instructions—what I should eat and avoid—aren't suggestions. They're direct orders from higher headquarters. I follow them because the mission demands it.

But let's be honest—sometimes, the rules suck. Hard. But that's the job. Get over it and move forward.

I don't understand how some people treat these instructions as optional as if their choices won't have consequences. I've lost friends that way—people who sat right next to me in treatment, ignoring the rules, doing what they pleased between sessions, thinking they could cheat the system. But the body doesn't negotiate. The system always wins.

Would I love a beer? Absolutely. But that's verboten—off-limits. The potassium content alone could push my levels to fatal territory. It's not about willpower. It's about survival. And survival means following the damn rules, no matter how much they suck.

That's not to say I'm perfect—because I'm not. Dialysis doesn't allow for illusions. With weekly bloodwork, there are no hiding places. Every decision, every misstep, is exposed immediately.

I learned the hard way when my grandson had a birthday dinner at a Chinese buffet. I knew better, but it was easy to justify it at the moment—just this once. But the numbers don't lie. The next time my labs returned, my misstep was in black and white—undeniable.

But here's the difference—I own my mistakes. No excuses. And more importantly, I don't make the same mistake twice. Because in this battle, repetition isn't just failure—it's self-sabotage.

I'm on two transplant lists—one at Ohio State and another at the Pittsburgh VA Transplant Center. I've been waiting for two years, with credit for my first year on dialysis. My family has been fully supportive. My daughter and I have planned for every scenario. If I become incapacitated, my wishes are clear.

But dialysis takes its toll. The fatigue is relentless. Depending on how much fluid is removed, it can last four or 36 hours after treatment. The impact isn't random—it's measured in kilos. If they remove less than two kilos, I'll bounce back fast. More than that? The exhaustion is like a truck hitting me head-on. It's directly proportional—the more they take, the worse I feel.

Still, my biggest regret isn't the fatigue. It's missing church services. The guilt weighs on me. I should be there. I want to be there. And when I make it, I'm running on sheer willpower, pushing through the exhaustion, trying to keep a brave face for my congregation. But the truth is, I'm at war with my body whenever I walk through those doors. Faith is my foundation, but I still struggle with the feeling that I should be doing more—even when I know I'm already giving everything I have.

Dialysis isn't just a treatment. It's a way of life—a complex, grinding, relentless way of life. But I made a promise. And as long as I have breath, I will complete my mission.